u/haileygreen7

I 20F and my boyfriend 22M have been dating since we were both 17. He had only dated one other girl before me, and it wasn’t serious. She was very toxic and cheated on him constantly. When we first started dating, he was very closed off towards most people. He never partied, had a soft spot for me and was very sweet, complimented me, and seemed to genuinely enjoy being around me. I was his first kiss, and we took each others virginity. Our sex life was honestly amazing, but we are both in school at different schools and both live with our parents. This meant we didn’t do much that could be loud- but we have amazing sexual chemistry. He works out constantly, and is perfectly sculpted. I myself, also am very active and have an above average body. He has never been very outwardly affectionate with his words. Over text, we are often very dry and throughout our relationship have never really been interesting. I flirt over text, but he seems upset and closed off whenever I do. He doesn’t like flirting online, nor does he even like having a public relationship. I like posting on social media and he will not let me post him at all. He says he hates taking pictures, and refuses to take pictures with me too. This has always been true, but he started to change a bit into our relationship. Again, we have different majors and attend different schools so our circles are very different. He refuses to go to any parties or events with my circles or do certain activities with me but he started to do them with his friends. On his wall in his bedroom, he has pictures of him and people he barely knew at the time of taking the photos at parties having fun. I begged him to take me to that party and he said no. Honestly, I was super done with him but I love him more than life itself and never knew what to do. In that moment, I reached out to a male friend of mine to complain about my boyfriend. I’d never done this before, but I was so fed up with him treating me like I was secondary to anything else- not even secondary usually. I ended up developing feelings for the guy friend, and broke things off with my boyfriend because I didn’t find it fair to him that I liked another man. After the breakup I came to the realization that I genuinely did not care for this other guy, I only liked the emotional comfort and validation he gave me. I blocked him, and me and my boyfriend got back together. I told my boyfriend everything, and it was a huge mess but he’s forgiven. He constantly parties, and has a lot of friends. He takes pictures with these friends, lets them post him and does things with them like go on walks go swimming and go hangout. He never does this with me. I am constantly trying to make plans, and he makes me feel like it’s a chore to be around me. I love him more than life itself. I don’t know what to do. We keep arguing about this- and my thoughts were honestly just “as long as he lusts over me there will be something.” But the last time we saw each other, he didn’t try anything or even want anything and the time before that he said it didn’t feel very good when we were fucking. I am heartbroken. I asked him if he was bored of me or still even attracted to me and he said he wasn’t bored and he doesn’t think he’s not attracted. I don’t want to break up but im exhausted. I also have BPD, and see things emotionally and very good or bad. My emotions are at 10000/10 or the complete opposite. I dont think i can handle the heartbreak of not having him. He means everything to me and i feel so broken. Is there any way to save this? I don’t know what to do.