Having to give up my dog
I am a child of a hoarder. I moved into my grandma’s house to escape the hoard (even though the hoarder parent, mom, did the same thing, we share a bedroom) as I can’t afford to live on my own on my income.
I’m not allowed to bring pets with me. We have two dogs and a cat, but one of the dogs (and the cat) is mine. I went home the other day to bring some of my stuff to my Grandma’s house, and I couldn’t bare seeing my dog in the state she was in. Because of the hoard, the infestation of fleas is impossible to remove. She is a golden x Labrador so she has longer fur, and although I bought flea treatment for the animals, it hasn’t worked. She has chewed her paws through to the skin because of the fleas constantly biting her. She also cowers when I leave.
I got Winnie (my dog) when I was 15, and she was meant to be a mental health/autism “support dog”, but we never trained her. Now 7 years later, I know I have to do the right thing and find somewhere else for her. The only problem is that she is aggressive with strangers and dogs she doesn’t know on her walks, so I don’t know if the kennels will take her.
My mom went for a job interview recently (she hasn’t worked for 26 years, also she didn’t get the job) as a receptionist at a vets, a job she did about 30 years ago. She was asking one of the receptionists questions as she was waiting for her interview, and she was learning about “pet plans”. She told me when she got home that in the moment she thought to herself “I don’t know anything about that, I tend to just let my animals suffer and die”.
None of our pets ever had regular vet visits, just when they were puppies/kittens. I don’t think my dog has ever even been to the vets. As part of my mom’s hoard, she used to own a “pet shop”, which consisted of 100 animals in a garden shed. How they stayed alive, I don’t know. I know she loves the animals, but it’s almost like they’re more for her comfort. She doesn’t seem to understand that they are living creatures who do suffer and who do feel.
I know it’s not about my feelings, and that I need to find a new home for Winnie, but I can’t bare the thought of her thinking I’ve abandoned her, or how long she might be in the kennel, or never getting to see her again. I feel bad that I didn’t do more over the years. I have contacted people about her, I’m awaiting further contact on the next steps due to her aggressiveness towards strangers and other dogs. I think about the other dog too, who isn’t suffering as much, but how they will miss each other and not understand. I just hope I’m doing the right thing. Thank you so much if you read this far.