u/helppppp1234

Been doing emdr after years of talk therapy which never really worked. I think I’m about 4-5 sessions in? My therapist says the primary aim of our emdr sessions is to regulate the nervous system bc I have rationalised things so much but my body has yet to heal.

My issue is that I am unable to experience emotions sometimes during emdr, or worse, sometimes my brain completely dissociates from the memory im supposed to bring up, like, I start thinking or something else and I can’t concentrate on the memory at hand. Does this go away over time? Is there any way to improve this issue?

I (22F) have this close male friend (23M) who I’m losing respect for the closer we get. We get along very well but the more I know him the more I get irritated by little behaviours or habits of his. It’s stuff like:

- trauma dumped on me unprompted while drunk when he knew i was already overwhelmed from something that had just happened in my own life

- whenever he cancels / says goodnight to me early he makes jokes implying that im devastated or clingy at his unavailability. I have repeatedly made it clear I have my own life or that I don’t understand why he’s making these jokes.

- Bad hygiene; He digs his nose in front of me???? Like it isn’t full on digging but it’s definitely more than scratching which I find very gross. I sometimes go to his place to chill and his toilet always has dirt on the floor and his underwear is always drying AT THE SINK. It was only after me and another female friend jokingly told him off that he removed his undies from the sink (at least whenever we visit).

- asking me about make up and staring at my face intensely for 5-10 mins while i was visibly uncomfortable, not in a good mood and was looking away. He did casually apologise at some point but gosh it pissed me off.

- The way he used to talk about a girl he used to like just disgusted me because it reminded me of the whole manic dream pixie girl trope - it felt like he is the kind to project a fantasy onto women he barely knows well? I think to some extent he realised this flaw but he also keeps complaining about toxic masculinity and his asexuality affecting things. I feel stuck between empathy and disdain for how he seems to victimise himself as a straight guy.

He is generally kind, attentive and generous to those around him. but the more I know him as an individual , the more I feel like I don’t respect the way he thinks and behaves and I feel mildly disrespected at times. I can’t negate the fact that we share the same humour and he’s fun to be around though. I feel guilty for not being able to respect him and idk maybe I’m also projecting my own general lack of patience with men?? What do I do???