I have zero interest in dating even though I wish to find a partner
I was in three long relationships back to back basically from 16 until 33.
- 16-20 first love but guy turns violent
- 20-27 moved to Germany met German guy, still friends
- 27-33 met Norwegian, head over heels, moved to Norway for him but we fell out of love and dragged out into resentful last couple of years
It felt exciting and fun to be single basically for the first time at 33 after that long unhappy relationship. I found my mojo, started dating and had fun crushes all the time. None of them turned into anything until I met a woman. I always knew I was bi but never had a chance to explore that: Fell for her hard but she turned out to be a compulsive liar.
I don’t know if it is any of these specific experiences but ever since the French woman (relationship ending in 2024) I have been unable to find ANY interest in dating.
I fully decided to focus on changing my career, moved country for a new job and feel so much more fulfilled with what I do now. I feel ready to meet someone and wish to have a partner. So I have pushed myself to go on dates, go to bar meet-ups, dance classes etc just to put myself out there. But something has switched in my brain. I’ve told myself to just accept all dates, give chances, keep an open mind, but in practice I think I’m basically only going out with physically unattractive men.
I think this maybe reflects some own insecurity I have or in some way I’m sabotaging myself. In the meantime
I am going out on second, third dates with a couple of guys I’m not into and just agreed to meet a third guy for a first date but I know we have nothing in common. Like what am I doing?!
Has anyone been through such periods? It’s like I’m denying myself any real chance for a crush or something exciting … Two months ago I did meet someone at a bar and we hit it off but I basically banned myself from seeing him again because he is 26, or about 10 years younger. I’m not saying this could’ve been a relationship but I mention it because I think it shows a pattern. Just fyi I have dated other women since the French liar but just not recently.
So what is this? Are others also doing this? How do you date? Are you excited? Do you screen carefully? Is it a waste of time to go out with someone I find unattractive but they seem consistent and nice … I feel like I had so much wisdom for relationships yet I find myself feeling so inexperienced when it comes to meeting someone new.