u/heyzooey

I'm trying to figure out if I'm overreacting because of history with my mom.

I trust my mom with my toddler and they have a good relationship, but she has a long history of doing whatever she wants regardless of people's boundaries and then evading accountability.

I'm pregnant with my second, and she really wanted a car seat in her car so she could drive my toddler to her house and watch her occasionally. I was hesitant because my toddler is a runner and my mom has less mobility than she admits. My partner and I agreed she could initially drive her to my mom's house, and that any outings would come later only if we discussed them beforehand and knew where they were going. My mom agreed.

The second time she took her, they went shopping at a toy store for an hour, then out for a treat before going home. She didn't tell me, and only admitted it when I asked why they hadn't gotten home yet. (I can tell because there are cameras in the home everyone has access to to help monitor my disabled sister). She said it was my 2 year olds idea to go shopping and apologized after I was clearly upset. However she immediately followed it up by repeatedly talking about how much fun they had, minimizing the "issue".

Am I overreacting to be upset that she almost immediately ignored the agreement we'd made? Do I keep letting her drive my toddler?

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Tl;dr: We agreed my mom could drive my toddler in her car as long as we knew where they were going. On the second trip my mom took her shopping without telling us and admitted it only after being caught.

Tl;dr: almost 3 year old seems on board to potty train each morning until the sensation gets stronger then devolves into frantic/panic attacks. 11 days no progress.

We're on day 11 of trying to potty train our almost 3 year old, and each day honestly keeps getting worse. In the morning she will generally agree to "practice potty training", gets excited to pick out underwear and say bye to the diaper.

She will willingly sit on the potty the first time she feels a sensation, but then it goes rapidly downhill from there. The closer she is to peeing the more she starts freaking out, crying, and seemingly having an actual panic attack. She'll get on and off the potty dozens of times before melting down completely on the floor. Over the last 1.5 weeks we've gotten 2 pees in the potty and we were basically holding her down on it while she was screaming (though afterwards she was so proud of herself). Otherwise she's having accidents (and freaking out about them) or holding it in so long we put a diaper on her because we're worried (she didn't poop for 3 days).

I'm 6 months pregnant and was really hoping to have her trained by the fall when she goes to preschool. Is she just not ready or is there anything we can do to help her with this intense anxiety?

Stickers/food/other motivation tools have been useless. We rub her back, sing, hug, read, encourage etc and nothing helps