u/hinatasfavgf

I’m usually able to count my tosses while i’m tossing but sometimes I have to watch footage of me tossing to be able to accurately determine the amount of rotations. Do you guys count the flats or count the amount of times the tip goes up? I usually count the flats but recently I think I’ve been counting wrong.

First off, I got a LOT of helpful comments on my last two posts which made me feel more validated. I didn’t reply to most of them (because I have trouble with coming up with responses) but I saw all of them so truly, thank you guys.

Right now, I’m at my dad’s house. Me and my mom had a talk so we’re on good terms as of right now. She did tell me to keep recording arguments between me and my dad just in case we need them but she still didn’t want to change the custody arrangement.

Prior to me coming back to my dad’s, my mom tried to arrange a conversation between her and my dad, but my dad insisted on bringing my stepmom and my mom has no intention of talking to her so my mom hasn’t spoken to my dad about what happened. My dad did say he wanted to talk to me but hasn’t yet (thank God)

Right now, he hasn’t done anything that has made me super upset but he did suddenly call the entire family downstairs so we could all “pray together” but really he just wanted to call me out on my behavior and told me during his pre prayer speech that I cannot run to my mom’s house every time he does something I don’t like and that struck me as an odd thing to say.

But some positive things are that I am actually going to start driving finally thanks to my mom! I don’t know how my dad feels about it but I have a feeling he isn’t too happy about it.

Also, to address the comments that said I didn’t give enough context as to what goes on at my dad’s house and that my dad may be right and I might just be a spoiled brat trying to villainize my dad, I am not. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. My dad has a history of lying about things and turning the situation around to make it look like he’s the angel.

For example, when I asked him why him and my mother divorced, he told me a completely different story than what my mom told me and made it seem like she was in the wrong because she was the one who filed for divorce. When in reality, he cheated on my mom, tried to hide our passports before our vacation so that way we wouldn’t be able to go, and lied about it to me.

And that’s not even scratching the surface of the truth about my dad. I know things about him that he doesn’t know I know. And before anyone says “what does this have to do with how he treats you?”

Some of things he’s done to me,

-Got mad at me when I asked him to go to target to get deodorant, he yelled at me and said that I don’t even help around the house and called me irresponsible and disrespectful. When I got upset and went to my room, he picked the lock on my door open and grounded me

-Told me that privacy is a privilege

-Threatened to spank me multiple times

-Still talks to the man who inappropriately touched me when I was younger

-Called me indisciplined when I asked to go to my mom’s house

-Told me while I live under his roof, I’ll never be allowed to go out

Again, I may be a minor, but I am not stupid. I know what’s right and what’s wrong and I am far from a bad kid. I have never smoked, vaped, drank, snuck out, done drugs, or anything that would make my parents not trust me. My school records are clean and I have decent grades. I’ve never even dated anyone. So again, I’ve done nothing to turn my dad against me. I know I’m not being dramatic about my situation and that what I’m feeling is valid.

Also for everyone saying that I can choose where to stay, I don’t know if that’s the case because I did search it up and apparently in my state, I can’t be the ultimate decision in where I stay. It’s up to the court.

Anyway, I’m currently okay. I have color guard to distract me and my mom said I could stay at my aunt’s house for the time she’s going to be on vacation so I only have 3 more weeks under my dad’s roof for the summer. And I will continue to record the arguments between me and my dad just in case.

After the entire argument with my dad and step mom, I went to my mother’s house along with my younger sister. Although, my dad wasn’t very happy to let me go to my mom’s and he originally told me I couldn’t go but he eventually let up.

I’ve been at my mom’s since Sunday and on Monday, we got into an argument on the whole custody arrangement with between her and my dad. Basically what happened was she refused to file for full custody because it’s a lot of time and money and she thinks it’ll ruin the relationship with me and my dad.

I argued that she’s downplaying everything I’ve put up with for the last five years I’ve had to live with my dad. I told her my mental health tanks whenever I’m at his house and that are arguments never stop. My dad also said during our argument that I originally posted about that me staying at my mom’s house full time wouldn’t affect him at all after I threatened to stop coming to his house.

I begged my mom to not let me go back there and she refused to listen to me because my dad technically isn’t abusive. I told her that even if he’s not physically abusive, his attempts to manipulate me and the decisions he makes for the family hurt me and my mental health.

And my dad isn’t always bad. He’s fine when I’m seeing him for short periods of time but whenever I stay with him for long periods of time, that’s when all the arguments start. He’s insufferable to live with.

I’m 100% sure that our relationship would be so much healthier if I saw him every other weekend instead of 50% of time. But my mom won’t listen to me and it feels like no one else is either. Even if I have other people on my side it won’t matter if I don’t have my parents on my side.

It hurts me to know that I could be a lot happier than I am right now if my parents would listen to me. But my dad is never going to change. I know because I’ve had multiple talks with him in the past about his behavior and he refuses to even acknowledge anything. And I’m not the first child to go through this. My 3 older half sisters went through the same thing and now they’re low/no contact with my dad. And my mom, who is my only way out of this situation, won’t help me.

So I’m at a loss on what to do. Even if I do go to court to change the custody agreement, I doubt I’d have enough evidence to prove that being at my dad’s house isn’t good for me. I can’t recite every single thing my dad has done to me off the too of my head and I only have the recording of two arguments.

I still have two more years under my dad’s roof but I don’t know if I can handle it for that long.

EDIT: A lot of people are having misconceptions on the relationship between me and my dad and about what goes on at my dad’s house. No, I am not overreacting or being a brat. I may be a minor but I am not stupid. I know what hurts my mental health especially since i’ve been diagnosed with multiple mental health conditions and I’ve done countless rounds of therapy and treatments.

With that being said, I am not trying to cause problems between me and my dad. In fact, I’m trying to fix the preexisting issues. I told my dad during our argument that I just want to have a normal relationship with him, one where we aren’t arguing all the time, and one where I can comfortably tell him that he’s hurt me and he will acknowledge that fact instead of making it seem like I’m the one in the wrong. And to that he ultimately said that he’s not willing to change.

In the past my dad has always made it clear that his house is a dictatorship and I am not to question any decisions he makes whether it affects me negatively or not. Again, I am not the first to experience this, my older half siblings have had their fair share of bad experiences with my dad and now I don’t see them often because they don’t like to see my dad.

Also for everyone saying I need to find activities to do to pass the time, I do have things I do. I’m in color guard and choir which takes up a lot of my time. But my dad isn’t fond of me doing it and has tried to get me to quit multiple times. My dad has stated multiple times that my only job is to go to school and come home to take care of my all my younger siblings and the house. I’m also not allowed to leave the to hangout with friends at all so it’s not like I can hideaway at anyone else’s house either. I was also never taught to drive because my dad doesn’t want me to leave the house at all unless he’s the one taking me somewhere.

Everything I do in that house is to not get into trouble, I am constantly walking on eggshells living in a home where the mom doesn’t acknowledge me unless it’s something I did wrong, and a dad who only cares about asserting his authority.

This is just a fraction of what I feel so please don’t assume that I am ungrateful or being bratty. The closest I will ever feel to being as happy as I was before the divorce is just being at my mom’s house and that is why this situation is so big to me.

For background information, my mom and dad have been officially divorced since 2022 and they’ve had a 50/50 custody agreement since 2021. My dad married my step mom around late 2022 to early 2023. He never told me they were married until I searched up their marriage records and found out myself. But nonetheless my step mom was nice to me in the beginning. She started to ignore me after she and her kids moved in with my dad and only talked to me when I did something wrong.

My relationship with my dad has been strained since 2021 when my parents first told me they were separating. Today I tried to fix it by talking to my dad. At first it was just a normal conversation, but then when my step mom came home, she asked to sit in on the conversation and I agreed. Everything went downhill from there.

I am horrible at retelling things but I will try my best to convey what went down.

Basically I went super deep and started telling my dad that he’s never apologized for things he did that hurt me and he continued to refuse to apologize. Every time I brought up a different situation, he turned it around and made it seem like I was the one in the wrong and basically told me that I should be grateful he’s not spanking me. I tried to reason with him and tell him he’s going to push me away like he did with the rest of my siblings but he wouldn’t listen.

And then I brought up how I hated staying at his house because it felt like my step mom didn’t like me because she always ignored me and never bothered to talk to me regardless of how many times i tried to talk to her.

And that was the turning point in the conversation. My step mom blew up.

She started going off on me and telling me that no one in the house never showed her any gratitude including my dad. She told me I shouldn’t blame her for anything because apparently, she regretted marrying my dad and said that she was depressed. She said that if I didn’t want her there, she’ll leave. I told her that I don’t want her to leave because she makes my dad happy and then she interrupted me saying that my dad is upset at her and implied that I was wrong about my dad loving her.

The worst part is she said this in front of my two younger twin siblings, and her own kids. They’re all under 12 and the youngest of all the kids is 6.

I snapped at her and told that wasn’t okay to say in front of children. She said, and I quote, “I don’t care.”

My dad stopped her and called a family meeting but after that I zoned out.

I did record most of the argument including what my step mom but I don’t know what use that is.

I’ve always hated staying at my dad’s but now I hate it more than ever. I’m here until July 10th due to the custody agreement and if I want to go to my mom’s house, I have to get permission from my dad which I’m very sure he won’t give.

I don’t even know what to do. I’m only 16 I really don’t know how to deal with this.

Okay for context, I am going into my junior year of high school and I just finished my sophomore year. My parents are divorced so I spend one month at my dad’s and one month at my mom’s for the summer. This year i have my dad during June (June 10th-July 10th) and my mom during July (July 10th- August 10th)

A month prior to school ending, I asked my mom what plans she had for the summer (vacation wise) and she said none that involved me or my siblings but she is going to Kenya for two weeks in July. She’s leaving the 11th and comes back the 25th.

I do color guard/marching band at school and I start summer band the 27th and I don’t end until school starts. The only time I have with her is the days before the 10th of July, and the 26th of July. So a couple days ago, I texted her asking if she wanted to go to the waterpark with me, my friends, and their parents on the 5th of June. She shut me down and said wasn’t free because she was working that day. Then I suggested the 6th which was a Saturday. She said no because she’s hosting her choir that day. I suggested the weekend after which I would technically be with my dad, but my dad has no problem with letting me visit my mom when I’m with him. She said no again because she had a commitment that day and she didn’t specify further.

I asked her to give me one weekend she was free and she said that she is “never free.” I asked her how are we going to do anything if she isn’t free at all and expressed how upset I felt that she doesn’t have one free weekend where we can go out and do something. She accused me of gaslighting her. I tried explaining that I’m just trying to tell her how I feel and that if she just doesn’t want to go with me to the waterpark, then I’d rather her just say that than just telling me she’s busy everyday. She then stated that she’s not going to the waterpark with me and said she wasn’t going to argue with me and ended the conversation.

And I wouldn’t be that upset if it wasn’t for the fact she hasn’t let me hang out with my friends at all yet so I’ve just been in the house all week while she works and she has no plans for the weekends except church so essentially I’m doing nothing but staying home and going to church.

So I’m coming on here to see if maybe I’m just being spoiled and I need to give my mom a break or if my reasoning for being upset is valid.

EDIT: Me and my dad don’t have a super good relationship, I try my best to not be at his house because we argue a lot and I’m not fond of my my step mom either.