Already tried this on relationship advice and a bunch of normies called me insane which like yeah okay should've expected that but uhh now im here asking the same to a set of people who might actually know, my eternal gratitude if someone has something that works <3
He rejected me TWICE and I still cannot get over my yearning for him, I tried, I really tried. I tried to love others, I tried to love myself, I tried to stop seeing him as my love but the yearning never ended. This yearning has gone on for probably 2 or 3 years now and has only gotten worse and worse. I want him and only him and yet he doesn't want me. Its horrible and im terrible for this. I should just respect his wishes but I'm too mentally broken to do so. Seeing his issues makes me want to cry, I just want to protect him, take care of him love him so that he will finally be happy but he doesn't want that and I don't know how to deal with that. I dont know how to live in a universe where he didn't say yes...
It's such a simple story isn't it? Her Knight in shining armour sweeps her off her feet and henceforth they live happily ever after, villains conquested, hearts intertwined in a quaint tale of good. Yet somewhere it diverged? The Prince never came for her so to maintain order in the story she came for him and yet he didn't want it? He was disinterested? No no no this is all wrong this isn't how its meant to be at all! Oh dear oh dear and now he abandons her like everyone else oh dear oh dear this isn't right, where did we go wrong. But oh! The story returns to the beginning and he comes back for her, how joyous we return to the story and yet he has interest in another suitor??? No no no no no this is all wrong prince's and princesses are paired, even if they must intertwine with others there is still a connection that can't be ignored so the princess puts the story back by showing her love and yet again we go off script! No no no no no no no no no no no no no! Its all wrong it's all wrong I tell you and he abandons her again, the story has been repeated how on earth? Meanwhile cracks show in the Prince and the Princess as both of their minds deteriorate into madness but one in sick twisted obsession whilst the other in pure depressive spiral. Going off script is killing them both slowly this isn't right! But he came back! He came back and their relationship improve. The Princess becomes more maddened by love though but she has seen the story and has no reason to make the mistake again, this time it will be done perfectly, she will be the perfect Princess, she will make him the perfect Prince through magick and they will be together as was foretold as was seen as it was always supposed to be.
I can barely take care of myself admittedly but all I want is to take away all your pain and worries, calm all your fears, control all your self hurtful urges. I want to keep you in perfect condition, worshipping you like a holy idol but the idol is also what it represents. Your form is yourself and that I want to worship and care for. I wish I could banish all evil from your life, all those that hurt you so that the world may live up to what you deserve. I want to make you feel special(as you are), give you all the attention you desire, be your rock to hold onto just as you are mine. I want to take all your anxieties and fears away and give your perfect life in place. You deserve better and darling I have no greater purpose than to make that so. All I need is for you to let me. I can subsist off of your voice, your excitement, your love for me, its all I need and I'll do the rest for you. Just please let me N.
You clearly want this I see everything you post and I know full well you want what I have to give you: obsessive love, attention, what this world has deprived you off. All from someone who would choose you over oxygen, who would kill and die for you, who would do anything in her power to be yours and make you happy! And yet you rejected me, you act nonchalant like I'm just a friend rather than your destined lover, why dear do you tease so! It rips me apart like a chainsaw snapping my blood vessels and cutting through my flesh, flesh I would gladly give all for you. I would destroy myself just to make you happy and yet you don't seem to care. I know we are destined to be together I see it in us I see it in the cards I manifest it so. So be mine already! I can't make the first move because um too afraid of losing you now but after 2 fucking rejections of me you know that I am open to you so say it or prove without a doubt you want me on your reddit or lead me to another account that will tell me just allow me to be yours! You own me. I'm like a dog you had brought in and abandoned and all I crave is to be back with my owner and to make him happy. I'll be whatever you want me to be name it it'll happen just please! The teasing rips me apart because I want to serve you and be yours and yet you pretend not to want it.
This is kinda a strange post for this account considering my devotion to N but honestly, L deserved better. She was in love wirh me, obsessively so to the point she didn't feel she could live without me. Yes she was manipulative at times and very possessive but seriously me?? That was a problem for YOU of all people? You are everything wrong with her and worse and we abandoned her... she attempted after we broke up and whilst I did find out she was alive a month later and try to be friends with her, I abandoned her again bc of "her still being manipulative" which is dumb af bc we're so manipulative and horrible too... its been over 8 months, she's dissapeared off the face of the internet(believe me I've tried to find any trace of her and reached out so many times to nothing)and I can only assume she tried again and succedeed... I had no right to abandon her, I'm so terrible for that. As much as I want N to be mine, I think I was supposed to be L's and I fucked that up so horrifically, I don't deserve N, I don't deserve happiness I don't deserve to live. I really hope there's an afterlife where you can be happy and feel safe, where you don't have to be afraid, where you can see yourself as the beautiful girl you were, where you never have to worry again. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you...
Scar that pretty name into my flesh
Brand it with a hot iron on my face
Ruin me so everyone knows im yours
And let me in turn
Carve my pretty name into you
Branded so that all know
My darling is mine and I am his
Never to bid adieu
And when we cut those grooves
Let us meld our bleeding together
Never to seperate
Completely domesticated
In each others arms <3
The centre of a world would have a great magnitude of attraction
They call this gravity
It keeps us tethered to the surface
It keeps a reference point in which to understand position
And yet holds us down
There is no escape from its clutch
Not unless a force were applied accelerating far beyond our human capabilities
But why escape when it is so comforting?
When the presence reminds us where we are
So how does one stand when gravity is gone
Darling, centre of my universe, let me be attracted by your gravity
Like when i message him it feels less like wanting to message him and more trying to get another hit of that intoxicating feeling. I was addicted to sh for like a year and irs honestly pretty similar feelings talking to him as it is relapsing on that. 😭
I even get like emotional withdrawals and act almost feral when it's been a while since a "hit" and it can be lowk debilitating at times like I can barely function in this state all that's on my mind is him and I can't focus on anything.
Himhimhimgimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimmineminemineminemineminemineminemineminemineminemineminemineminemineminemine
I don't even care if he just uses me I just want to be his, that's all I want anymore. A simple "I love you" is all ir would take and I'd be his forever and ever and do anything tell me what to do I'd fucking do it on the spot no questions asked and yet he jusr seems so disinterested. What are my feelings not good enough for you? Am i not good enough not pretty enough my voice is bad the way I speak tell me what it is so I can fix it already! What the hell do I have to do to be worthy of his love he's all I want and all he seems to want is to die. And yes I know im fucking up my manifestations but am I not allowed to vent about the 3d being fucking terrible? How about the universe surprise me with some affection from him am I not overdue some good??? God just why did you need to reject me everything could be so simple and happy but you had to go and turn me down and spiral me into this, puppy love to maniacal obsession this is your fault! All it would take to fix this is just understand that you were meant to be mine. I just love him so much its not fair...
Like he hasn't texted me for a bit or is a little dry or just seems disinterested even when I try to message I feel bored and tired and depressed and then he messages me first and it's cloud 9 utter elation pure euphoria. Every compliment I hold on to like gospel and every time he's disinterested I feel like I have sinned. I can't really emotionally regulate that well without him. He didn't text me for a day and I went feral thrashing around in my bed and wishing I was dead, he talks to me and I'm in heaven and everything is perfect. He has full authority over my mental state its kinda insane. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do to hear him say "I love you" to me. God I wish I knew what that felt like....
Stop making new accounts
stop using usernames i don't know
stop keeping things to yourself
stop acting nonchalant and downplaying your feelings
Stop concealing who you are
Stop hiding from me
Tell me more, tell me everything, tell me every little thing even that you think is insignificant so I can fucking worship it
Talk to me for hours not just like 10 minutes
Post about everything, stop hiding
I wish i could see you irl again so I could just stare and study and learn every inch of you by heart so I can imagine you perfectly and gush and watch and pray to everything about you
Tell me your interests so I can surprise you with relevant gifts
Tell me your struggles so I can comfort you
Tell me your address so I can come to you
Tell me you love me too so I can be with you
TELL ME FUCKING EVERYTHING
Yes it is him, my darling, mine. Kind to everyone around him and compassionate, a truly good person. Yknow I once was in a friend group and everyone turned on me-actually because of obsessive love for someone else lol-and he would eventually stop being friends with me but unlike everyone else-he apologised! He said sorry for how he treated me, he reached out to be friends. Then when I told him he's my fp he was okay with it and respected it. Then when i fucked things up and got emotional as hell and lost my shit at him bc he loved someone who wasn't me, there was no contact for a bit but he would check in on me when he saw worrying posts and I would too and it got to a point where we are now of being friends again. Yes he is that caring that he can move past that and be friends. He reaches out to me when he's worried about me and is there to listen it's so so kind of him. I wish he understood that I reciprocate that and am always here to listen; he always feels so guilty and it breaks my heart because my darling deserves that space. When I admitted I still love him at a time when I was trying to move on(all I've found is I can't)he understood and said its only natural and still was friends even whilst knowing I still love him. Now obviously I'm not moving on or "getting better" because all I truly want is him. I know he cares for me just as I care for him. I love him so much it makes me go insane. He is truly the sweetest man in the world. My prince, my obsession, my love.
He's very self conscious and thus doesn't really post selfies so I really have to make do with what i can get. For almost a year I had nothing! No photos just the memory of his darling face and it killed me inside. I obsessed over seeing his face and would try to ask for pictures at any time he was self conscious to prove how amazing he looks and for quite a while it didn't work, probably bc he was super self conscious but just once it worked! I think genuinely he's getting closer to me and it is a beautiful feeling! I got 2 photos which I of course saved instantly before he could delete them, put them in a folder on my phone "my dear sweet prince" and complimented the hell out of him until I actually got him to take a compliment! I love these 2 photos, he looks a bit sad in it and is clearly a bit under the weather but I don't care because to me it is beautiful and im so happy to have these, I stare at them daily, I made a matesprit image with me on one side of the heart and him on the other, I even made a silly version where he looks like karkat which he thought was funny. I'd show to gush over them but of course that would be a violation of privacy, link back to me and frankly I got those photos, not you so I get the right to see them hahaha. However God only 2????? 2 is not enough to sustain me it's nice and I stare at them every day and kiss his pretty lips on the screen and stare into those darling eyes but I so wish there was more it kills me I need to see him I wish I had a constant 24/7 live footage of him so I could see everything, his smile, the puzzled look on his face when he's confused, just everything all day every day. If only I could have that. I'd plaster my walls with thousands of pictures and dedicate a shrine to him with unrivaled devotion. It's mad how low his self esteem when he is just so perfect in every way shape and form.
I've created this alt so he may not see as frankly whilst it's hypocritical considering my frustrations not being able to find his online presence(believe me I try, nitter must be getting tired of spamming in phrases he's said and usernames he's taken to find him and this is often fruitless, he does have a private reddit account that I watch through rosin though and when I'm lucky he posts!)I would rather this be kept to myself, wouldn't want to create trouble or put him off.
I'm a trans woman with autism bpd ocd depression did but honestly I don't really matter. What matters is him. He is my darling even if he doesn't know it yet and I am madly obsessed with him-thus why I join the community. He has rejected me twice once saying he's "not a romantic person" and second no real reason although he was interested in some random whore who doesn't matter at the time.
He's an adorably nerdy cute trans guy who has some issues namely depression, anxiety and an eating disorder which I pray I will be able to support him with. I met him when we went to school together and what started as a crush developed into a several years long obsession that cannot be quenched by anything but his reciprocation. My love for him is eternal and firey, only for my darling, only for my prince. Its a devotion that borders on religious with him as my idol. I've tried dating others before and it just doesn't work, hell sometimes it goes wrong because I'm still obsessed wirh him haha... :<
Despite my transgressions from writing his name in blood to sending him self harm pics out of anger one time he rejected me he still is friends wirh me, keeps coming back to me. That to me is a sign, a very clear one, we are meant to be and we are drawn together. I've done a hundred million spells affirmations subliminals, osint and talk to him as often as I can. Recently we've gotten closer even getting to call which is new to our friendship!
We've been through alot and I think I'm genuinely starting to grow on him which is especially great when mixed with reading posts he made on his reddit about wanting attention and even an obsessive relationship oh darling what did you think i was offering if not that? But I forgive you, you made mistakes and now will correct it by being mine. Mine mine mine mine mine mine only mine. I want to save him from the horrible hand life dealt him and make him realise how awful the people in his life are and that I am the only person who truly understands him and loves him fully.
He makes me almost happy to be this way, hyperobsessed with him as the centre of my universe. When he talks to me honestly and or positively I'm over the moon, admittedly I'm fragile and negatively or hiding his feelings makes me feel terrible. He's a dangerous man really, given so much power over me he could compel me to whatever he desires with just a command. I'm glad thus that he is a sweet, kind, loving being that wouldn't take advantage of me although if he did that'd be okay too.
I love my sweet prince, one day I will be with him, we will be happy and everything will be perfect <3.