u/hollywoodbambi

I lost my last pregnancy just shy of 28w, and my EDD for this pregnancy was 7/6 which is the anniversary of the loss.

I started the induction process for VBAC yesterday morning. My hospital doesnt allow you to eat after they start it, so it was a very very long 29 hours. We did a catheter balloon to get started which was effective enough to be removed immediately. However, I was not really progressing after that regardless of getting me to max pitocin levels over night. Baby girl did move down to my cervix so we were able to proceed with breaking my water at 3am and we restarted pitocin at half the dose I got up to with very gradual increase. Then very little progression again until about 1pm. I was comfortable and contractions were minor the entire time. Really only complaint was being hungry because nearly hourly popsicles weren't really cutting it lol

Around 1pm, contractions amped up and suddenly I was fully dilated. It took an hour and a half of pushing in several different positions to deliver. She had been measuring at about 75th percentile at my growth Ultrasounds, but she turned out to be over 90th at birth 😵‍💫 I was super nervous and feeling guilty for opting to deliver as early as I did instead of at least pushing to 39th or 40th week, but considering what her size turned out to be I'm now incredibly thankful. Because, ouch. It was hard work and very emotional, but I am so so thrilled she is here!!

A huge thanks to the mods and everyone in this community for giving a safe space to vent all the gnarly feelings and painful situations that come up during PAL. I can't express how grateful I am to all of you. I hope your pregnancy and delivery journeys are smooth as they can possibly be!! 💜

I truly don't understand. What did Jo Ellen do that was so awful? Was it just that she didn't say to Alicia "you know what's in Liz's heart" in the car? That's the only concrete thing I picked up that Liz said, and I don't understand how that constitutes, as Liz described it, "insanely bad" behavior.

I'm just wondering if anyone had a MIL (or other close family member) who responded to your stillbirth in a inappropriate way and what helped you get through the resentment you feel? I have been in therapy, and I'm trying to work past it; but, I don't feel like I've made much progress. I can barely look her in the eye I still feel so violated and angry about it; it makes it very difficult for me to trust her with my living child. I would love to get to a place where I'm less bothered, especially since she's our only close support as we're getting close to our due date. My mom is planning to come out the week before I'm due, but if baby is early or if something happens with my mom's health, it will very likely be my MIL is our only option for someone to watch my toddler.

For context, my MIL had previously crossed some boundaries with our toddler that in the in the grand scheme of things are not a massive deal (screen time, posting pics on social media which she took down). I had mostly let that stuff go. After the 27w stillbirth, she asked my husband if we were doing a funeral or memorial. He told her that so far we were just planning to do something for the two of us. MIL reached out to my mom and asked how she could be more supportive, and my mom told her very directly that I needed space to process. Instead, about two months after the loss, MIL had a gathering at her house with inlaws (some of whom I can count on one hand the number of times I've met in the last decade), and surprised us all with a memorial/ceremony for our loss. She gave a speech and did a candle lighting. Tbh all I really heard was the start of her speech which was about how much she loves and misses our son. After that, I shut down and basically had tinnitus, so I didn't absorb more of her speech.

I sat her down a month or so later and told her how violating it was and how her repeatedly breaking boundaries-especially this one which was so massive-has demolished the trust I had in her. She was apologetic, but she also did a fair amount of denying past boundary violations and blaming her "narcissistic" mother for not being more supportive of her. Realistically, I know that what she's done doesn't mean my daughter wouldn't be safe with her. But it has been really challenging looking past the fact that she either felt her grief was more important than ours, or worse, her putting on a display of support was more important. It makes me worry there isnt any rule or boundary she's willing to ignore.

TLDR: MIL violated boundaries. Looking for advice or even just commiseration.