u/homersdonutz

Hey there - 14 months post being ghosted (after 9 years), then sued 2 weeks before Christmas, and recently attempted to take my own life. Trying to fight being sued, the legal system is built to take advantage of us.

Been doing therapy, recently discovered a therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse. Therapy doesn’t work for me - I ruminate, feel intense, intense longing, loneliness, the pain is crazy. Just trying to stay alive over here.

Is there a virtual support group that anyone has discovered or joined? Not enough people understand narcissistic abuse and coercive control I’ve discovered - people just think you’re depressed and dramatic.

There is a lot more behind it that is absolutely cruel and insidious - but here I am, just wishing I could go back to before, and command + z the last 14 months of my life, and realistically the 9 years before that.

Why do I keep hoping, knowing they don’t care and that I’m literally no one to them?

Something I’ve seen in many of these subs, is that at least most people have some form of contact. It was literally nothing at all for me, just blocked everywhere and that was it.

Hello. I posted something here recently explaining my situation a bit. I know the title seems counterintuitive. If you end it, they win. But that’s not how I feel, I was sued for the control and abuse to continue (this person doesn’t need money), and I was incredibly generous and more than fair during our relationship, and they were able to travel, save etc because of me. (9 years together). Now I’m forced to pay legal costs, and for therapy etc. The biggest cost has been my life.

Anyway - because of how the legal system works - I feel like no one cares at how badly abused I’ve been, because of course abuse is isolating and the courts don’t care, if it’s not physical abuse, it doesn’t count, because no one sees it and understands it enough - it doesn’t matter. Psychological abuse is THE most painful form because it’s so isolating, what has happened to me in the hands of this person is so cruel, every time a professional hears about what happened, they’re shocked at the level of cruelty. I went from a person who was happy and caring, and had almost an innocent excitement to help and care about people in my life. For over a year now, I’ve had no joy, people don’t like you when you’re depressed. More people disappear than those already lost. I have no way to defend myself and make people understand how psychologically devastating this kind of abuse is.

I recently found a psychologist specializing in this - but at what end. What does it matter at this point. I just want to make it end because the pain of this is too great. I can’t defend myself against such greed and entitlement. I always say I wish I did something, but all I did was have patience and love, care and take care of this person, and now my life is just pain. I was (and am) a genuinely good person. I have so much compassion for animals, the world, and used to for people. But in the awful world we live in, I don’t see light anymore, being treated like an actual disposable resource… well, this is what I’ve been reduced to. There are other things happening in my life that exacerbate it - and what makes it worse is that they know, and they took advantage of it.

So, if this is where it ends, it always takes someone falling through the cracks for “the people in power” to take a better look at things - look at this. It’s not right for people to get away with psychological abuse because you can’t “see it”. Change the system, the system is built to serve the people who hurt other people in silence.

Hello. There is so much pain here I don’t know how or where to begin - thank you so much for reading through if you do.

I was in a relationship for 9 years with a narcissist. There were things I noticed from the start, and would mention them, but they seemed to be managing things if I mentioned something.

Fast forward to the year before they left and I experienced some of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve lost my Dad, Mom had a stroke and was paralyzed when I was a baby etc. They would say things in public to hurt me, saying others were attractive/would sleep with them etc, behind closed doors they would say things “jokingly” about my appearance, or saying things like someone was attractive and watch me for a reaction, would say belittling things to me.

During all of this I was dealing with a toxic work environment, was on leave for that and their behavior and my Mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and scheduled for surgery. They started not wanting to spend time with me, and when I asked they redirected or said no, there was no time or no money, but of course there was for other people. I asked to have a day where we did something in remembrance of my Dad and they said “I” should but had to think, had to THINK if they would (and ultimately didn’t). They abruptly decided it was over, no reasoning, no conversation, no attempt to fix anything, or even consider what I was going through. As always - it’s always about them. I asked them to leave (my house), immediately, and they ghosted me, sued me, and then didn’t care when our pet was sick and ultimately passed away (I managed alone), and I care for the other with no care or concern from them. How do you care for a human (and pet) for 9 years, and not have any empathy for either. It’s monstrous. As the psychology says they leave when you’re most vulnerable, and take advantage of that vulnerability - filed to sue me two weeks before Christmas (spent alone, fighting to stay alive). As expected I’m a highly empathetic and compassionate person, and showed so much patience with this through all of this, and to be shown I was worthless to them - was devastating. They had developed a narrative in therapy (without me and my perspective) to perpetuate their victim hood and their own interests without any care for the person who loved them, took care of them, and offered a good life for 9 years.

Every psychologist I’ve spoken to, is shocked. I finally found a therapist who specializes in this, and I hope to gain some insight, understanding and relief. I’m a very analytical person, and was able to find my was to this diagnosis, but my heart goes out to the people who don’t know they’re being abused, I’ve witnessed people at the helm of these people who are so broken, beaten down, and just accept and live with it. What a painful existence.

I’ve been literally fighting for my life, to stay in this world, and feel like I’m losing that battle a little more everyday. This was indicated in legal filings, and despite that, they pushed through, and that led to a very desperate situation, which I was luckily able to contain after reaching out in desperation to a relative and a couple friends.

It’s like I lost 9 years of my life. I’m struggling - how do people cope with this trauma. The pain I feel every day is almost unbearable. And it just over a year later and I’m worse off than I was.