u/hometimetown

I recently found out I’m pregnant with what would be our fourth child. this was a surprise and candidly the result of failed birth control.

we live in the north east and already are kind of outliers among our peers and family by having three. I recognize four would put us on the smaller side of “in bulk” but Ive been browsing here and it seems many have been in this same boat.

essentially I’m trying to figure out how we’ll share the news with our families, who I expect won’t be very supportive. particularly I expect my parents to be worried or even judgemental that we’re spreading ourselves too thin as it relates to our other three kiddos.

if you felt similarly about sharing the news, how did it go? Any tips?

i know a good bit of the advice here would probably relate to just caring less what our families think— and I’ll work on that— but besides that I’m struggling with even how to bring it up or share or what to say. it’s getting harder and harder to hide even in first tri as this is my fifth pregnancy in 6 years.

I don’t want to frame as a mistake (I feel that’s so harsh and could ultimately eventually get back to my child). It also makes us look like doofuses I think. But also it feels hard not to acknowledge that this will be shocking and questioned by those closest to us.

We both work full time. our incomes can support our existing family and the growing one, but in either scenario, without many “extras.” For example we live in a fixer upper in more of an up and coming area, no housekeeper, etc. and I think that ties back to judgement I expect to hear (something along lines that like we could have given our kids a better school district if we had less kids).

im just really not loving the feeling of dreading telling people. I am myself adjusting and beginning to look hopefully onto next steps and the new baby. And I hope I’m “all the way there” by the time the jig is up.

I’m so excited to have accepted a new role at a new (to me) organization. it’s an increase in responsibilities, a chance to grow in kind of a new trajectory/branch of my field, and mission wise I think it’s important to the community too. I guess in short I’m proud of myself! But everyone in my life is treating it as kind of ho-hum. It’s the first major me-move ive made since becoming a mom of three, starting in 2020, and it’s just a let down how unenthusiastic or apathetic my family (including my husband), in laws, and kinda everyone seems to be.

And I guess the thing is I that I feel silly to even care. But it’s kinda like why aren’t they impressed?y husband felt bad I think when I brought this feeling up— he’s the only one I raised it to— but said “of course I’m happy /proud of you, but I knew you’d get it” and also maybe at one time mentioned jokingly “did you want a parade?” But you know what? Yes, yes I do!