I have been researching MAID in foreign countries
I am 25, plus size, transgender, non-binary, auDHD, chronically ill, and severely mentally ill. I have been diagnosed with the following: MDD, ADHD, C-PTSD, Insomnia, Autism, GAD, Rheumatoid Arthritis, hyper mobile Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and am working with my psych and therapist about a potential BPD diagnosis. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 12 and hospitalized due to SH and an attempt. I have had multiple attempts and relapses of SH as well as hospitalizations because of SI. I have been on Prozac, Celexa, Zoloft, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Amitriptyline, Abilfy, and am currently on Pristiq and Latuda. I am in the process of getting on disability due to the combination of my conditions. I am located in the central US. I have no hope of my life getting better at all. The state of the world, the state of the US, the state of Oklahoma, and the state of my physical and mental conditions have had no improvement since I’ve become cognizant. People keep telling me “it’ll get better.” It’s been 13 years and, while yes there are periods of remission, it doesn’t last more than 2 months, it hasn’t gotten better. I have less rights now than when I was a teenager. I can barely function let alone work. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I love to cosplay and going to conventions, I went to one last month and felt nothing expected regret. I didn’t even want to be there, at a place that has always brought me joy and happiness. I don’t even like being in costume at conventions anymore which was the whole point to me of cosplaying. I don’t have a purpose and even when I try to think of one, the only reason I haven’t done anything is because no one would take care of my pets. I feel like a burden to my family, my friends, and my community. I’m so tired of living and being stuck in this body. I am constantly suffering and there is no reward for any of it. I started looking into MAID last month because my therapist mentioned it in passing that he had patients talking about it. I don’t even know why I get out of bed other than I don’t want to be ridiculed by my mother. I went back to school last year and have taken on a bunch of student loans but I haven’t even been doing good in school or enjoyed learning like I used to. I just see it as something I have to do because I’m paying for it with loans. Nothing makes me feel “good” besides petting my cat or holding her, she is my world and i wouldn’t be here without her.
I wanted to just have a place to vent but I don’t have close friends anymore since my breakup last year and the friends I had before the relationship don’t even reach out to me. I’m not asking for anything, and if you read this far thank you. I just wanted to talk to people who may understand what it’s like to live in constant hell.