u/hoosyourdaddyo

How my father fried promo!!!

So I married a Xenomorph

[Intro]

A long, long time ago, in space that’s far and wide,

A dude named Luke was farming dirt, with dreams he couldn’t hide.

He stared up at the stars each night,

While Uncle Owen grumped, "Go Away!"

Get the collectors cleaned, or there'll be hell to pay!

Then one day came a droid parade,

With beeps and bloops that wouldn’t fade,

He found a holo-princess,

Said, “Help me, Obi-Wan,” no less.

So Luke said, “Whoa, I gotta jet!

I barely passed my flight permit—

But lasers, ships, and sass? You bet!”

(And everything got weird from there...)

[Chorus]

Oh, it’s Star Wars, baby, in a galaxy ride,

Where the swords are made of light and half the cast has died.

The Jedi flip like gymnasts, the Sith just scream and glide,

Singin’ “This is how my father fried…

This is how my father fried.”

[Star Wars]

So Luke meets Ben, a wizard bro with robes and magic moves,

Who’s like, “Let’s go to Alderaan!” only to find it gone.

They hire a guy named Solo and his hairy friend Chewy

Then fly a junkyard beater straight into the Empire’s Doomy.

They save the princess, swing on ropes,

Tell bad guys, “NOPE!” with dramatic tropes,

Leia snarks, Han shoots first,

And Vader’s breathing sounds the worst.

Then Obi-Wan just disappears—

Like, “BRB, in ghostly years,”

And Luke’s like, “What the Force is this?!”

(He really could’ve used a syllabus.)

[Chorus]

Yeah it’s Star Wars, baby, where the plotlines collide,

With a Death Star weak spot that's just poorly designed.

Laser pews and Wookiee roars and X-wings that glide,

Singin’ “Oops, I joined the Force and cried…

Oops, I joined the Force and cried.”

Empire Strikes Back]

Then we're out in Hoth with a frozen glare,

AT-AT walkers everywhere!

Luke is stranded, Han’s the guy,

Who cuts a Tauntaun just to keep him dry.

Luke is training, lifting rocks from swamps,

While Yoda teases him on Dagobah stomps.

While Han tells Leia that he's knows—

(too bad that relationship is being put on ice for Jabba's show.)

Darth Vader’s back? Okay, sure thing—

He’s luring Luke to a Carbonite ring.

Vader’s the father? Or Skywalker?

(That big reveal is a legendary shocker.)

The plot went dark, the fans went mad—

But Boba Fett was cool, so... not too bad.

[Bridge]

Now Vader’s like, “I am your dad!”

Luke’s like, “NOOOO, that’s super bad!”

Then loses hands like it’s a trend,

(He gets a new one in the end.)

Yoda talks like grammar failed,

"Lift rocks, you must!" while logic derailed.

And Ewoks win with sticks and twine—

Forget your tanks, just hug and dine!

[Return of the Jedi]

Then Tatooine shows up with a sun-bleached glare,

A carbonite Han is hanging right there!

Luke is a Jedi, all dressed in black

,With a green-bladed saber to get his friend back

Boushh throws a thermal, the barge takes a hit,

While the Sarlacc is prepped for a thousand-year sit.

Ackbar warns it’s a trap on the screen—

(Guess the shield is still up, if you know what I mean).

The Emperor’s zapping? Okay, sure thing—

He’s frying young Luke with a lightning ring.

Leia’s the sister? It’s a family tree shocker,

(Continuity’s still quite a legendary stalker).

The title was Revenge? No, George changed the plan,

Cause vengeance isn’t fitting for a true Jedi man.

The core takes a hit, it’s a fiery blast,

The second Death Star is gone at last.

[Final Chorus]

Oh it’s Star Wars, baby, from prequels to the sequels,

With sand complaints and senate scenes and clones that act as equals.

No one’s really dead for long—

just check the next three prequels!

Singin’ “Use the Force and plot recycles…

Use the Force and plot recycles!”

[Outro – Spoken]

So grab your lightsaber and your Jedi powers,

We’ll be watching Star Wars for the next eight hours!

(And yes, even Jar Jar… for a little while.)

🎵 DUN DUN DUN da-da-DUN DUN da-da 🎵