u/horizontaljumps

Attended the meeting today and had the displeasure of listening to an anti science talk. Literally it was just... weird and I couldn't really follow the brother's train of thought.

Science completely, fully bad because... of the experiments done on people. Science ALSO bad because it hasn't fully solved people's problems and we shouldn't have faith in it because it takes credit away from Jehovah(?) Science is also bad because people still die.

Naturally, college, career, and working too hard at work(?) also bad and so are gay rights (had to throw that one in there.)

Of course, Kingdom good, JW good, pioneering good. and we should pioneer instead of working too hard at work. You know. The usual suspects.

Everyone was just nodding their head and I'm sitting out there like ???? what?

I want to leave so badly but I'm just like, not a very strong person. I'm not strong-willed. I'm the meek person that the JWs like.

Maybe one day I'll just get sick of it and snap and leave. I know that it'll hurt my family and that's what scares me the most... I have a hard time imagining life without my family, parents, friends, yk? I know I will make new friends and have a chosen family but still.

My mom. My dad. Random sisters in my hall. My friends, now.

I'm getting soft shunned by at least one person right now. We used to be best friends. I know it's because I'm not baptized. I asked her to hang out and she said that "it will probably never happen", oh well. It hurts to lose your friends because I can slowly see them start to like me less.

All the random pioneer sisters are like "WHEN WILL YOU GET BAPTIZED?" I wonder when they'll catch on. I'm already 18 which is considered really old. It's embarrassing to my parents. It's embarrassing to ME even. I know it shouldn't be but it is.

My parents keep trying to have the baptism talk with me and I just start (involuntarily) crying every time because I'm not sure what to say to them. It got me out of it last time but ik they're like "wtf is wrong with her" 😭

Genuinely idk what to do. I came out to them 6 months ago and they cancelled my graduation party and I had to lie+ apologize in order to not get excommunicated from the church.

I'm 18 so I have no legal protections if they were to kick me out, so I have to bite the bullet and act like everything is fine.

My only friend outside of this religion doesn't support LGBT people, I came out to her and she was very polite and respectful but she just doesn't approve. I was going to move in with her to escape my family situation, but I honestly don't know if it's a good idea. I don't want to damage our relationship. I don't have anywhere else to go. (I don't think I'm at risk of being homeless as long as I am pretending to be a JW with my parents. But if I got caught posting this I may be cooked.)

So I don't know what to do. The only place I had to go was with her. I don't know anyone else outside of this religion other than the people in my therapy group who all have their own issues. I don't have a job or any money because of my disabilities (Schizophrenia)

So yeah. Any advice would be appreciated.

He just got announced on Thursday. My cousin was telling me about a FB post he made (I don't use FB) saying he was leaving and how it was a decision he had thought about for a long time which leads me to believe he was PIMO.

Which is interesting bc I never suspected him. Well, I did at first when he stepped down as an elder a few months ago. (Should have suspected as he was the rare not creepy elder lmao) But then he seemed normal, kept commenting, going to meetings, etc. I think he might even have been pioneering (don't remember.)

To some degree there really is one in every hall 😉! We're in a small hall in a rural area. So not somewhere you'd expect other PIMOs. Everyone is so shocked. I really doubt there are any other PIMO in the hall statistically. The chances would be crazy.

So I guess I'm alone for now, lol. I really hope one of my friends wakes up. I wouldn't exactly call this brother (or... ex brother...!) a friend, I am friends with his wife and cool with him. His wife's still very much in, though.

Wouldn't it be crazy if he was reading this post?! Hi if you think this is about you 💀!

I thought about reaching out on social media but I decided against it because like I said we weren't really *friends* just kinda chill. Besides he's married and like 12 years older than me. We don't really have much in common. Hope he can live his best life, though.