u/hotdogmom82

Hi, I have been in a marriage with a man that turned out to be a narcissist for about 10 months now. While we was dating he seemed to be everything I had ever dreamt of then a few weeks after the wedding, it was like a light switch flipped and this side of him came out I didn’t know existed. He started becoming abusive mentally then in other ways. Mainly mentally and financially. Nothing was as we agreed to prior to my moving in and after the wedding. I tried talking to him and it caused more problems and continued to. I asked for marriage counseling but he refused and acted insulted. It was happening just a few times a week and now it is daily and unbearable. I don’t have any children and I can’t. I have two dogs and they are everything to me. I don’t have family or friends to rely on. All the pet friendly shelters close by are full when I check, every similar resource I meet to a dead end. He doesn’t let me work, leaves me without money and gas, and now food. He has so much and I have so little. I don’t understand this, and why he feels I deserve this. I’ve never been unfaithful to him or done anything to wrong him intentionally. A few times I have broken and snapped, I am only human but the majority of the time during his abuse which is accusing me of things I haven’t like cheating/stealing/damaging property his favorite is cheating, I breakdown and cry to the point now I’m physically ill. The stress is so bad I rarely sleep, my hair is falling out, when I do get food and eat I can’t keep it down. I keep praying that the Lord will open his eyes, soften his heart and show him I’m not here to hurt him and these things are wrong. I don’t think he’s come to know Christ or have a relationship with him. I don’t want to give up on him or our marriage but I can only take so much and it’s becoming extremely exhausting and unhealthy. And I just want my life back and to be happy again. To not be scared or dread anymore. I keep praying that the Lord will make a way out for me somehow. Almost everyday Monday-Friday I have checked pet friendly shelters, everything I can find and I’m always met with the same disappointing no. Tonight I was on TikTok when he came home from work. I have a really huge heart, I was sending a guy (20 years younger I might add) a message with resources I had found because he was homeless and I felt for him. He saw it, automatically assumed I was cheating and told me I had to leave tomorrow. I don’t have any gas, anywhere to go, no plan, I feel sick. I kept telling him to look at the message, I was only trying to help but he wouldn’t. I feel like it was just his opportunity to get rid of me and he’s wanted to for a while. He knows my situation, he got me in it with his control. Sorry I’m so sick with stress and worry. I feel so helpless. Please pray for me and my dogs!

I posted earlier about how I am trying to escape a dv situation with my two dogs and my resources are very limited. I am literally having the worst anxiety attack ever. I am so physically ill. My husband came home from work early. I was looking at TikTok and at that moment commenting on a gay guys post. He is homeless and in a tough situation as well. I was trying to encourage him, I was sending him a dm with resources and telling him he was in my thoughts. I guess my heart went out to him because he had two dogs that looked a lot like mine and I pictured myself in his situation. My husband got my phone, didn’t even look at his account to see his orientation only that it was a guy, accused me of cheating yet again and told me I had to be out tomorrow. Not only that, but he’s keeping my puppy. My puppy’s CKC paperwork is in my husband’s name as he was a gift to me however he has hit him a few times. I feel like I’m dying inside. I have with my elderly dog, I have no gas, no food, no plan, no where to go, I called I’m on a waiting list all the pet friendly shelters are full. But leaving my baby behind and not knowing what he’s capable of or if he’ll give him away online is killing me. I just wanted to be his momma so bad. He was my gift when I lost my pregnancy. I sent him a copy of the message I sent to no avail, he says I’m untrustworthy and always have an excuse but I’ve never cheated on anybody. I found all sorts of things in his phone. I cracked and finally brought that up, he called me crazy as usual. I’m at my end. I’ve not had anything to eat hardly in 5 days because he gets mad if I eat “his” food. I’m broke. I have no way to a food bank, he won’t take me. I don’t understand why he thinks I deserve this. I haven’t done anything to him except the few seldom times I cracked and reacted to his verbal abuse. It’s daily, I’m only human. I called 211, I asked for hotel vouchers and everything is a dead end. I feel so hopeless.

I have been married around 10 months. In the beginning he was everything I had dreamt of then a few weeks after the wedding a side of him I didn’t know existed came out. I don’t have children, just my two dogs and they are everything to me! I can’t have children. I grew up in the system and aged out with my brother. He was my only relative and passed away 2 years ago. I don’t have family or friends to rely on. I am a very hard worker and in 10 months he has cost me 3 different positions. It’s humiliating. It was due to his control and my fear. He doesn’t let me work now, he controls every penny. He has convinced a neighbor that I am this really terrible person, I cheat etc (never have,) this gentleman is retired and home much of the time and he reports to my husband if he sees me leaving when he’s at work and if it’s something unplanned I didn’t discuss with him I have hell to pay. I mean a quick grocery store trip. He constantly accuses me of cheating, he’s accused me of stealing, it’s bad. The anxiety I feel and constant lack of sleep is insane. I know you would think getting help is easy. I have tried for the whole past Summer. If I leave and go to a DV shelter I will never see my dogs again and that’s too much to bear. The pet friendly ones are full each time I check, I was told by a case worker there’s no state assistance, etc unless I have children. I am completely broke. I literally have $1 in my checking account right now. I wish I could go back 10 months ago and see the red flags or better yet, never have responded to his first messages. I have been told in a support group (yes for victims of DV) to F-my dogs and leave. I am so deeply depressed. All I want is to be happy again and it seems so far fetched. I need to back up a little, I have checked with our local police and I live in a rural area, there’s nothing I can do unless he’s actively physically abusing me. Then my dogs and I are homeless. Everything physical has been around this past Spring. I would do anything to just get my babies, get in my car and go but I’m stuck. Then they suffer too. I just want a normal life again of not living in constant dread, fear. To have a tiny apartment just my dogs and I somewhere he can’t find us and to put the past 10 months behind me. To go to work and back like normal without getting accused of cheating, having to check in, then getting punished when I come home for things I didn’t do. I am 44 and he’s the 4th relationship I’ve ever had, never cheated on anyone. I am pretty sure he’s cheating on me or has before. The constant accusations of me cheating is to make it okay his mind to cheat or so he can tell everyone I have. I don’t know. He tells me what a horrible person I am so much sometimes I start to believe it and that maybe I deserve all this. I’m not asking for advice, resources, I just don’t have anyone to talk to and some days it really gets to me.