I finally got a skip bin to my mums house, and I didn’t fill it.
Writing this while heading home because I need to put this somewhere. I can’t stop chastising myself for not being more headstrong and getting it full. It’s getting picked up in two days and she’s too weak to put much else in there herself. I live too far away to come back and she has no one else to help and so much stuff that will fill up another skip bin. There was a huge pile of mdf kitchen cabinets I could have put in there, but I was frustrated by the spot she chose to have the skip bin put and said “those ones will go in the next bin which we’ll have dropped closer, because it’ll take too much time this time”. But then I got all distracted trying to help her with bank stuff and trying to give her a clean pretty bedroom. Those boards will take up so much room next time we have a bin. It’s so much money and time. Each skip bin is minimum $400 and it’s going to get towed away with so much room left in it. Because I was pissed at her and being stubborn. In the last situation where somebody should be stubborn, it’s literally getting rid of the junk after all these years.
She’s at very high risk of returning to a DV relationship and is so mentally fragile right now and I just wanted leave her with a better situation but I spent too much time on silly shit. And I can’t seem to stop feeling like I’ve seriously fucked it all up. I asked her to send me photos of the bin because I feel like I’m overreacting and wanted help curbing my anxiety she just responded with “yes it’s extremely empty, and I’m trying to get to the work” which kind of does the opposite.
I don’t know how to approach such a difficult task when I need to be methodical and disciplined, and that causes her to feel judged, which causes conflict, which takes me off task. It’s like I constantly end up in a position of emotional caretaking and am so exhausted that I can’t think clearly about the situation and base my actions on that.