u/humminggay

Today, my (27) therapist asked my thoughts about me “getting back on the dating scene,” and man, I feel kind of discouraged.

As a butch4butch living in a fairly conservative part of Canada with a seemingly small Queer community, it sucked to admit that yeah, I think about getting back on the dating scene. Especially when I’m in the midst of a quiet night alone at home, like I am tonight. Dating apps exacerbate disposability culture and don’t feel good to me, and regardless, I can’t seem to find the local butches hiding away.

I’m reminding myself that things can change in an instant, my person is out there somewhere, and the timing probably isn’t right yet. I’m also sending positive thoughts to my other butch4butches who might be feeling the same way. I see and hear and feel you, my friends.

I’ve accepted that someone I could love wholeheartedly may not live close to me, and it’s time to broaden my horizons.

I’m a 27-year-old AFAB fat butch lesbian living in Saskatchewan, Canada. I’m open to distance, so as long as we won’t remain apart forever. I’m monogamous, child-free, and I’m outnumbered by three cats and a dog. Like many, I spent a lot of years presenting myself to others in a way that would ensure their comfort, but I’ve really leaned into making sure I put my own comfort first (especially when it comes to my gender presentation).

I’m neurodivergent and it colours all the parts of my brain—the good and the bad. I’m thankful to be in a place where the good feels notable and I’m well equipped with tools to handle the bad. I feel things very deeply and I appreciate that about myself, even when it can feel like a curse. Sometimes it’s really difficult to exist as a person who feels emotions so intensely, and yet I think it’s an invaluable quality. This is my way of saying I ugly cry and happy cry, and I’m working on letting myself be okay with that. I’ve spent my fair share of time in therapy over the years and I’m recently in the midst of some maintenance sessions.

I love to get outside and keep active every day. While it takes slightly more mental toughness in the winter on the coldest days, my polar bear (dog, a very sweet and smaller 55lb Great Pyrenees mix) makes it difficult to feel averse to the cold when we’re outside together.

I work full-time from home and I’m working towards my BFA in Visual Arts, and I’m primarily a printmaker and photo-based artist. Aaaaand I recently started dabbling in ceramics. Working in the studio has taught me a lot about the things I love about myself, and I love the person I’ve grown into. I’ve been told that I’m very approachable, kind, and attentive in a studio setting. My art practice is very important to me and I’d hate to think of where I’d be right now without it. (I’m also taking a certificate in Health & Medical Humanities, if there are any HMH nerds lurking around!)

My friends (both acquaintances and close friends) describe me as witty, caring, helpful, and ambitious (and from time to time, I’ve been called a professional rage baiter haha). I’d say that my first few visits in a new space can be a bit daunting, but once I find my groove and start to let loose, I find I can get along amicably with (almost) anyone. I say almost because we’re all human haha. Acts of service are my nature and I’ll drop just about anything to help the people I care most about, and I’m a handy butch! If I don’t know how to fix something, you bet I’m going to find out so you don’t have to.

I’m politically engaged and I can’t wrap my head around it when people say that they’re “not political”. Have you seen the state of the world? Everything is deeply political. Especially so when you’re a Queer person, even more so when you consider other intersections of one’s identity. I care about abolition, decolonization, and collective liberation for all (no zionists).

I crave depth and vulnerability in my relationships. I experience the world in big ways and I love deeply and with my whole heart, though, I’d like to build a connection and a friendship first and foremost. Don’t we all want our partner to be our best friend and biggest supporter first? At my core, I’m a goofball and while some things should absolutely be taken seriously, I’m inclined to hangout on the lighter side of things when I can. Living in this world right now can be tricky and feel scary, and I’ve been told on a few occasions that my lighthearted sense of humour can be very disarming. If you can crack through my exterior and give me a safe place to land, I’m very (emotionally) soft and I’ll offer the same safe place for you. I sincerely value open communication, but I also don’t need consistent, unbroken communication to function within and outside of a relationship or friendships.

What I’m looking for in a partner is this: someone who is firm in who they are, and yet, they chase growth and self-improvement. She enjoys getting out and keeping active just as much as she loves quiet nights spent at home. She knows her worth and doesn’t need everyone to like her. She realizes how precious and short life is, and wants to love big—just like me. She’s willing to admit when she’s wrong, and equally willing to change her opinion once presented with new information (and I offer this in return, with a kiss to her forehead, of course). She understands that we don’t always need to agree on everything, but our morals and values very closely align. She is playful, caring, curious, kind, and has strong boundaries. She has interests and things she’s passionate about that don’t necessarily need to line up with my interests, but some overlap is nice.

Basically, though, I want you to show up as yourself with all of the quirks and intricacies that make you who you are. I also have a huge soft spot for other butches and masc of centre folks, but this isn’t a strict preference for me.

If anything you’ve read has piqued your interest, please reach out!

Once we’ve exchanged a message or two, I’d be happy to share photos or my Instagram handle. Regardless, thank you for reading if you came all this way and I hope you find what you’re looking for!

Edit: I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but please be at least over 25. Thank you!