WIBTA for Telling My Best Friend to Choose Between My Brother and the Guy She Cheated With?
My brother “Jay” (45M) was completely in love with my best friend “Selena” (36F). For almost a year, he treated her kids like they were his own. He showed up for school events, helped with everyday things, and became the stable father figure those kids had been missing. Everyone around them thought they were building a future together.
Then, out of nowhere, everything blew up.
About two months ago, Selena admitted she had been cheating on Jay with one of her guy friends…you know, the “don’t worry about him” kind. While my brother was at work trying to provide and build a future with her, she told him she had become “lonely” and unhappy enough to sleep with someone else.
Jay was devastated.
The only thing that made the breakup easier was the fact they didn’t officially live together yet, even though they had been talking about finding a place. Selena often complained that Jay would never move or rehome some of his animals to get a nicer place, and she said she wanted someone around with her more at night.
Even after all of this, I still kept in contact with Selena because she had been there for me during one of the darkest times in my life after I lost a parent. Every few weeks, she’d message me or mutual friends asking how Jay was doing. But Jay wanted nothing to do with her after finding out she betrayed him.
Then came the part that honestly made me angry for my brother.
I found out the guy she cheated with “Charlie” had moved into her house almost immediately after the breakup. Yet Selena claimed she didn’t even really want a relationship with Charlie (or could’ve been the other way around). Apparently, they had just become “best friends.”
Fast forward a little while, and Selena suddenly started reaching out through family members asking Jay to call her because she “missed him.” My brother, being the good-hearted person he is, answered. The problem is… he still loves her. So now he’s trying to see if they can make things work again.
But here’s the issue: Charlie STILL lives there.
Jay has told Selena multiple times that there’s no way trust can be rebuilt while she’s living under the same roof as the man she cheated on him with. Selena refuses to ask Charlie to leave because “he has nowhere else to go.” Somehow she genuinely doesn’t understand why this would make my brother uncomfortable.
What makes it even more frustrating is Selena is the jealous type herself. She would absolutely lose her mind if Jay were living with one of his exes while claiming they were “just friends.”
As Jay’s sister, I’m trying hard not to overstep, but it’s painful watching him hold onto someone who seems unwilling to fully let go of the other guy. I care about Selena because she was once one of my closest friends, but at the end of the day, Jay is my brother, and I hate seeing him hurt all over again.
I told Selena that if she truly wants another chance with Jay, she needs to decide what she actually wants and stop keeping both men around.
Now I’m wondering if I crossed a line. Would I be the asshole if I told Selena to make up her mind or leave my brother alone?