u/hungry_hammered

My dad died in a road accident 20 years ago this year, I was 15 at the time. A short time after I had the most awful dream.
Family and friends were gathered at my grandparents house, everyone wearing black, my dad was in his work uniform having a brew. Everyone was there to say goodbye to my dad and watch his funeral. Being an emotional mess and crying he pointed at me and told everyone this (me being emotional) was why he didn’t want me to attened. After a short amount of time we were all ushered outside. Outside were 3 graves dug in the driveway, my dad said a few worlds, lit a match and jumped in to it, the others were left open.
I woke up sweating, crying and screaming. I was determined it ment myself and my little brother were going to die, I told my friends and family about this and was terrified. A few months later, we also lost my uncle to a freak medical incident and a few months after that my grandad passed from cancer.
My dad was cremated, my uncle and grandad were buried.
This dream haunts me.

In 2006 (15th October) I lost my dad in a road accident when he was 36, I was 15 (13th May)
I’m now approaching his age, which is terrifying me given these weird date/ age coincidences.
Last year my son turned 15 (11th May, 2 days before mine) his dad turned 36 (12th October) two days after my dad’s anniversary. Both being 2 days before my own birthday and my dad’s death anniversary. Fair to say I scared his dad reminding him of these dates/ages and how weird it all was.
It may all be some freak accident, same ages, more or less same dates, but it’s eating me alive and has done for years.
Next year I turn 36, none of the ages or dates will coincide with this but I can’t help to feel an impending doom, the closer I get the more worried I am.
It’s bothered me for years but I feel it getting worse. More anxiety, sadness and grief.
Has anyone else ever experienced something like this, strange dates or ages?
I might be self sabotaging thinking about all of this but I’ve even gone as to find out the dates between my dads birthday and death, so work out what date I need to get to, to dodge it.
The sadness and grief I feel towards it all puts me into a pit of despair almost.
I feel like I’m waiting to die.
* I don’t expect anything from this but I can’t be the only one having gone through something like this. I just want peace but still haven’t on 19+ years