u/hyacinthwoman

I don't take my meds. We prescribed me Risperidone and I'm too scared to take them. We forced me to take them when I was hospitalised a month ago and my voice told me that I will die soon if I take them again, I also feel very numb nowadays and don't want to change any further. I'm just scared of what the meds could do to me.

I saw my therapist today and she scolded me while telling me that she won't be able to help me further if I don't take my meds. I don't know what to do. I know I should take them, but I just don't want to. I'm so scared of everything, and somehow, none of the professionals I have encountered seem to understand that I'm too afraid to do anything, and now, they're pressuring me into taking the meds in order to fit into society as soon as possible. I'm still pretty young and all they keep talking about is how I need to find a job. I hate it so much.

I've had my fair share of scary hallucinations, but the one I have had yesterday was DEFINITELY the scariest. And it does not even seem like it. Has anyone ever seen a double of themselves just standing in front of you? It happened to me yesterday. I was just walking around my place, and when I walked into the bathroom, I saw myself standing by the bathtub. At first I thought it was normal but then I realised that I was... actually right there and didn't know who the fuck that was. She was dressed just like me, hands behind her back and smiling. I never smile nowadays so it was pretty uncanny to me and the smile was what actually made me realise that something was off. I left the room for the living room after sensing that something was going wrong and there I was, back again, same position, same clothes, same smile, but there was two of us, and it kept going for a moment. I kept walking from room to room to try to escape that double of me but she was still there no matter where I went. I started crying because of how scary it actually was. It eventually went away but out of all of my visual hallucinations this one was the absolute worst. No doubt. So fucking scary.