The Hijab Dilemma
"Actually, I know this is an issue I need to resolve within myself and that people can't really help me much with it. However, I’ve been thinking about it so intensely for so long and have felt so trapped that I’m writing here, hoping maybe someone can help. Because of my family, I started wearing the hijab at the age of 11, and despite not wanting to, I remained covered for a long time. I uncovered when I was 19.
But the pressure on me never stopped. Shortly after, they tried to force me to cover up again through pressure, but since I didn't want to, I am currently uncovered in secret.
I hate this. On the other hand, my resentment toward the hijab is gone; in fact, I find my covered self very beautiful and sometimes want to be that way, while at the same time, I want to stay as I am now. It feels very embarrassing, but right now, I am sometimes covered and sometimes uncovered, and I feel so ashamed of this. But I just can't seem to decide which one I want to be.
I can't figure out if I genuinely want to cover up because I want to, or if it's because my family will never accept me otherwise. I am starting university in 3 months, so I could actually be free and comfortable there, but when I think about the future, it terrifies me. For instance, in the simplest terms, even when I get married, I won't even be able to be uncovered; I will always be forced to live a double life and ppl r gonna judge me.This whole situation scares me so much." Bc im already insecure
I’m terrified of covering up again and regretting it. I have absolutely no idea what to do.