u/iamlilwhisper

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Hello, I'm hoping for some help here because I'm really struggling to talk to my gf about this... or literally anybody. I'm 21F and my trans gf is 21F too. We've been dating for 3 years, and we've been friends for over half of our lives. I dont understand my sexuality or whether or not I qualify as a form of asexual because no matter how many posts I read about asexuality being a spectrum, my brain refuses to let me even think I could asexual.

My gf and I have always had very regular sex for over 2 years, but something changed this year and now I genuinely feel nothing towards her in the sexual attraction aspect. Hell, after reading things here I dont even think ive ever felt sexually attracted to her. I can have CONSENTED sex with her and do other stuff, but idk I get little to no enjoyment out of it. Its gotten worse as the months have gone on, it used to be "eh I dont wanna have sex like ever even once a month is too much for me" to now its "I cant even masturbate, or even FATHOM the idea of sexual anything. Nowadays I hate sexual innuendos and degenerate posts/fan service stuff makes me feel actually sick. Im like repulsed by the idea of sex and sexual concepts in EVERYTHING.

And with the whole sexual attraction thing, I've never imagined what anybody or my gf looked like underneath her clothing. I dont see anything as sexual anymore, so nowadays if I even wear as much as skimpy clothing and my partner starts looking at me with those "yeah I wanna go down on you" eyes I feel disgusted with myself and never want to wear revealing clothing again. Not because im repulsed by the idea of my gf enjoying my outfit (even if its sexually), but because I know that now she will want to have sex with me and I regret wearing clothing that makes her look at me in a sexy way.

Am I in the right place making this post? I hope my post makes some form of sense. I've just been getting a lot of asexual stuff on my feed along all social media platforms and im starting to realize im basically copy paste of a lot of asexual experiences.

The thought of even thinking im asexual makes me sick because I know my girlfriend has a higher libido and loves sexual stuff. But im the complete opposite. 2 years ago I used to be a sex machine and would do it once or twice a day. Nowadays even the idea of touching myself EVEN BY MYSELF borderline disgusts me. Like randomly once every two months ill feel tingly and then do it with my gf if shes there but then the next few days I feel genuinely disgusting because my brain hates sex. Its like I can go through the motions of sex but I just dont care about it. Nowadays it feels like im just doing sexual stuff so im not deemed useless by my girlfriend (my gf would never say something like this but im devastated at the idea of crushing her heart by telling her im asexual or something). My brains just convinced im not asexual, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am. I think I am also an unlucky person who has genital numbness from medications, and even after over a month of being off all my medications I still feel absolutely nothing down there. Its as if the sexual part of my brain got deleted and only a tiny amount comes back to "tolerate sex" once a month. Do i sound like im making sense? Sorry if everything is so jumbled and out of place, im not good with writing my feelings