u/if-i-die-youre-weird

Hello, guys I’m currently learning Brazilian Portuguese and I’m getting a hang of the vocab but every single app has these AI pronunciations that i obviously can’t tell if are correct or not.. Can anyone please suggest a good way to learn the pronunciation of these words anything even a blog or website is cool. I just want to know how to say the words also, I’d love any tips of speaking because I can read and understand simple sentences already but I really don’t have the confidence to speak to natives.. so that would help too. I’m sorry I’m mixing a lot of things, English isn’t my first language hahaha😅😅

i cheated on my gf with her brother and i think i accidentally found out something about myself
throwaway because if anyone involved ever sees this i’m moving countries.
i’m 20m, my gf megan and i have been together long enough that i genuinely thought she was endgame. like we talk about apartments, dumb future plans, all that cringe stuff. i love her. this isn’t one of those “actually i never loved her” posts because i do. which is why i feel insane.
this is gonna sound bad but megan used to joke all the time that one day i’d come out and leave her for some guy. not in a mean way. she’d literally say stuff like “you’re suspiciously comfortable around men” or “if you ever realize something please don’t make me the last person to know.” i thought she was doing that thing girls do where they assign personalities to people. i never took it seriously because i’m with her?? and i never really sat there thinking about dudes.
then yannick started being around more.
before people say i’m trying to blame him i’m not. i’m fully responsible. but idk how to explain it. i started noticing i cared way too much what he thought of me. if he laughed at my joke i’d think about it later. if he texted me i’d answer instantly. if he complimented me i’d be in a weirdly good mood for hours. i literally noticed myself getting nervous around him and instead of asking normal questions like “why am i acting like this” i did what every emotionally intelligent 20 year old man does and ignored it.
and then recently something happened and i crossed a line.
nothing dramatic. nothing movie worthy. but enough that now i can’t pretend anymore. and the thing making me feel like the worst person alive is not even that it happened — it’s that i can’t stop thinking about how good it felt. not in some crazy way. just… easy. i wasn’t thinking. i wasn’t trying to act like anything. for the first time in a long time i felt weirdly comfortable in myself and immediately after i wanted to throw up because what kind of person realizes something like this through THEIR GIRLFRIEND’S BROTHER???
i keep switching between “oh my god i’m gay” and “no actually you’re just a bad person who gets attached to attention and novelty and blows up their life for validation.” because i still love megan. i still want to text her and hear about her day and do normal couple stuff. but now i also can’t unknow this feeling and i feel sick because i don’t even know if what i’m grieving is the relationship or the version of myself that made sense before this.
i know everyone’s gonna tell me to tell her and yeah i know. i’m not asking if i’m the asshole because obviously i am. i just genuinely didn’t think my quarter life crisis was gonna come with a plot twist written by hbo.