u/ifYouWantMyLuv

I don't know why I am constantly churning in this cycle. One minute I am trying, not very successfully, to affirm myself, the next I feel like my agab and just a liar and failure.

Yesterday I was at a local flea market when a boutique owner without any preamble identified me as a closeted trans woman and had me try on dresses. It's the happiest I've been in a long time.

I'm a thirty five year old man and I've been fighting this feeling my whole life but the universe keeps bringing me back to it and now people are just seeing it in me even as I live my life without transitioning 😭

I've been rigorously following my chaotic intuition lately which told me, "how crazy would it be to tell what happened at the market to my eldest and least emotional sibling" which made me cackle like a witch alone in my kitchen for a whole minute which I took as I sign I had to make good on that intrusive thought.

Watching Star Wars like I did as a sick kid.

I know what I have to do but I am afraid to do it.

Sour gummy edibles, Blackberry ginger ale, little cheeses, weed vape, strawbraries, Amish pumpkin roll, blunts, loose candy from the bodega, americano with cream, Marlboro 27s, pan fried everything bagel with cream cheese, carrot 🐴