u/ijm2017

I don’t know if there are too many worse things in life than watching a true loved one deteriorate with no ability to help.

We found out 6 weeks ago my mom has stage 4, pdl1- 0% and no identifiable mutations. The option is chemo cocktail with one immunotherapy and a 1 out 2 chance this extends life. 3-4 months. Maybe 12-18. But the quality of life remains to be seen as well. Not that any age makes it easier but she is only mid 60s so perhaps I am naive but I just thought she was so young still.

I have 3 small kids under 10. Work full time. Feel insanely guilty anytime my mom is alone. It’s like our lives froze but the world has kept turning. I’m 2-3 stiff drinks in at this point, it seems to help lol. I’m typically pretty strong guy but this is just haunting me, not just the here and now but more so what’s coming. And no matter what I do I can’t fix this. Gutting feeling. Truly f@cking gutting. I’m nervous the cost this will have on my marriage, it will get so draining being around a miserable man constantly.

For those that have done this for an extended period, do you ever accept the burden? And come to peace with it?

I want to help my mom come to peace and accept all that will happen. I don’t want to see her devastated every day. I especially don’t want to see her leave this world not at peace. I think about that often. We have such a broken family from the past I know some of the conflict must make her think.

Anyway, this is just a vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any advice or lessons learnt would be appreciated. I feel like this may be more of a marathon from hell vs a sprint. F@ck cancer.

We had been going through the diagnosis’ process for the last month and her side pain was getting much worse. I had hopes of it being a hernia or gastrointestinal issue - naively. She told me yesterday on the way to see the dr for her “results” that she already knew as she was crying, I was so confused.

In Canada (Ontario specifically) there are lab reports uploaded to patients profile and my mom found out she has stage 4 lung cancer, into her femur and back and pluera - all by herself on my birthday at 10pm from a lab result upload two weeks ago. No support. No explanation. I was floored. I cannot believe our system does that, it feels so wrong.

We were going to talk to dr yesterday about the results and he says “sooooo I assume you read the reports”. Wtf. WHAT IN TUE ACTUAL F&@k. I know I am extra sensitive right now and emotional but there has to be a better way to tell people they are potentially dying. Why not screen those results and get them sent directly to dr. I am a first responder so I am well versed in delivering bad information, yes it is terrible but it is also very human. I’m so sad she lived with this information for a week alone before telling me. I’m gutted.

No we are waiting for the biomarkers? To see extent of spread and treat-ability. If he mentioned 1-2 years does he know or see something he may not be detailing until we speak to oncology team? Only another 1-2 weeks until that referral comes through so that is nice. 😡

Also, pain, my mom is in extraordinary pain, no one prescribed anything more then hydrocodone. Would it be wrong of me to push family DR for something stronger?

Devastated
🙏