u/illegalpaladin

My dog, Kepler, is a husky/akita/shiba mix, and his personality is a perfect mix of all three breeds. And by that, I mean he is very smart and very opinionated.

I was standing in the living room yesterday. He came up to me and looked at me expectantly and let out a quiet "roo." I asked him what he wanted, and he herded me into the kitchen. I asked him if he wanted his medicine. He lowered his tail, which told me he was disappointed. So I moved over to the poop bags and asked him if he wanted a walk. He lowered his tail again, then looked to where we keep a bag of mixed treats. I picked up the treat bag and held out two different treats, and he told me which treat he wanted by booping it with his nose. Then he gently took it and happily trotted to the living room.

I'm just so, so impressed with how clearly he's learned to communicate with us. Yesterday was also his 4th gotcha day. When we brought him home at 11 months, he had no idea how to be a good dog. He was scared and very reactive. He ran away within the first day of us having him. He had no prior socialization or training. He was an awful, awful dog. It almost destroyed my relationship with my wife.

But he WANTED to be a good dog, and we had the knowledge of how to work with him and the resources to do it. Over the past four years, I saw him blossom into the best dog I could have asked for. Yes, he's got very strong opinions. Yes, he's very, very stubborn. But in general, he is such a good listener, and he is so polite, and I'm so proud of him. Every time I think he can’t get any better, he proves me wrong.

I just love my dog, and I'm so proud of how far he's come.

Back in October, our 5 year old cat Cooper passed away suddenly and traumatically. Yesterday, we helped our old lady cat Penne cross the rainbow bridge after a brief struggle with pneumonia on top of other health issues.

The grief I feel for Penne is so different from what I feel for Cooper. At least with Penne, we knew it was coming. At least with Penne, she was old. At least with Penne, I feel the peace that I don't have to worry about her various health issues anymore.

But God, do I miss her so much.

She had so much personality. She ran the house. I knew something was wrong the day she didn't wake me up at 5:50 for breakfast. She was loud, and demanding, and dramatic. And she was such a good girl. When Cooper passed, she didn't leave my side for days. She slept with me and let me hold her whenever I cried. We always said that it was special to get to be loved by Penne, and I truly believe that.

There's this other element to it, too. When we lost Cooper, I thought there was no worse pain than that. He was my heart home, and he was so young, and it was a freak thing that happened.

But to lose another pet so soon hurts worse. I feel grief for Cooper, and I feel grief for Penne, and I feel them compounding together. The pain goes so, so deep. It physically hurts. I know I'll feel better some day, but it's hard to imagine anything beyond feeling this pain.

We've got other pets, and they're taking very good care of us. Their dedication and loyalty and love is really shining through. I'm so grateful for them.

It's just so damn hard.