u/im_effing_tired

I just want to let this out and somehow find some relief (if there's any) for all the years I've spent exhausted, fighting my fiancée's anxiety, depression, and overall mental health issues. I'll try my best to give the important details on how things wrapped up for our 5+ year relationship.

To cut a long story short, she got bullied at work on a daily basis. People gossiping about her, making dirty jokes using her name, stuff like that. Until one day it got into her head, started to creep in, and completely took over her life. The bullying went on for 4 years and I had no idea because she seemed completely normal, until a friend of the bullies actually confessed to me about what was happening. I'll skip the other parts of the story, but I completely lost it at the office when I found out (we worked in the same office). But HR was bullshit, they did absolutely nothing. I went to the police station to file a blotter and was looking to file a case for unjust vexation because it had a severe effect on my fiancée. Her boss even told me that sometimes they'd see her just talking to herself in front of her monitor, and NO ONE EVEN BOTHERED to tell me! Not until I investigated it myself after that confession. Fucking fake friends.

So in the end, we forced her to resign, which she eventually did. I thought that would be the end of the problem, but it turned out it was only the beginning.

She's been on a remote job since she resigned. Zero problems with money or anything else so no other cause of stress, except that she kept mentally going back to what happened inside that office.

One time, I celebrated my birthday and invited a lot of people. The day went by normally and ended on a happy note (or so I thought). On that very day, she had her first severe outburst. We were driving, looking for a resto for dinner because some of my cousins and friends (who were with us in the car) wanted to eat again. We were all shocked by what she did. She was sitting in the front passenger seat, and she suddenly turned to the people in the back and shouted something like, "You're all like that! It's more important for you to believe the gossip! *curse*!"

Bro. WE ALL FROZE. It was dead silent while she sobbed like a child.

I asked everyone to get out of the car and the two of us went home. In the parking lot, I was so confused. I asked her, "What was that? Why did you scream at them?" That's when I discovered something was deeply wrong with her perception because of the severe trauma. She told me that during the drive to my birthday venue, everyone we passed, from the buses, was talking about her. Calling her names and using nasty words against her. I didn't know how to react, and my biggest mistake was getting angry out of sheer confusion at the time. It was my birthday and I had no idea what was going on. It was just question after question, and I don't even remember how that conversation ended that night.

After that night, I looked up a bunch of articles to learn how to deal with it and how to help her. I was pretty confident since I have a pre-med background. I even asked my classmates who are now doctors. They said it was an obvious case of paranoia.

I tried to convince her to get checked (which turned out to be the wrong first move, and I realized it too late). I told her family about what I discovered, but guess what? Her family told me she acts completely normal at home, and that she only gets like that when she's with me. I ended up being the one told not to cause her stress. But what they didn't know was that my fiancée would always confide in me, saying she felt there were cameras installed in their light bulbs and in every corner of their house. It was the same with my room, which is why whenever we were together, she always wanted us under the blanket, or no one was allowed to take their clothes off in my room, even if we were just changing. Just imagine how that affected our intimacy, too. It reached a point where if kids were playing outside her house, which is naturally noisy, right? She felt they were doing it on purpose to annoy her. And if someone cursed outside, she would curse back because she assumed it was directed at her. Even the usual neighborhood gossips, she felt she was the topic of their conversations. There were even instances where she felt her phone and their internet were hacked, and that all our conversations were being leaked and laughed at. She bought a Starlink to replace their ISP, bought a new laptop, a new phone, spent money on antiviruses, consulted with IT professionals, etc. But still, nothing changed about how she felt towards her surroundings. And all this went on for years.

Until one day, her sibling's live-in partner moved into their house. She claimed the partner was a conspirator of her former officemates and was influencing her sibling to hate her too. She always told me these things, but of course, I didn't validate it, nor did I shoot it down, because neither would help. But to be honest, I can't even remember what I told her because I genuinely had no idea how to handle it. This was when she started blaming people, right after her claims about the internet hacking fell apart. The worst experience for her was when she confronted everyone in their house about the live-in partner being a conspirator, and they straight-up told her it wasn't true, that it was just in her head. Which I guess made things worse. Just a massive facepalm.

But she said that was okay, manageable, so to speak. She said she was fine and had adjusted to it, that the world could judge her as long as we were okay and I wasn't siding with them. So of course, I reassured her that if anyone dared badmouth her in front of me, I'd smack them right away. I thought that worked until recently, she started doubting me, too.

She started connecting every little thing back to that trauma. She'd say it was exactly what the people at her office used to do annoy her and gang up on her. She said she couldn't explain it, but she was 100% sure someone was talking to me, directly or indirectly, until I agreed to join them in tormenting her. Something as simple as me accidentally stepping on her foot she'd say I did it on purpose. Brushing against her glass of water, done on purpose. All of this drove me insane. I literally thought, "Damn, this is endless," because she had absolutely no trust in me anymore. We had a series of calm talks, fights, and even shouting matches. Until one day, I just got really tired. I couldn't take it anymore. Four years have passed since that day, that birthday celebration, and we are still here and she hasn't moved on.

I told her, if you really can't trust me anymore, and based on everything you're saying you're 100% sure I'm the enemy just give the ring back. Because I am exhausted. I also said a lot of things in that same conversation to reassure her: that I'm not her enemy, that I would never wish her harm, etc. But still, she left the ring on my workstation.

Until now, I haven't touched the ring. I've just been crying nonstop. I don't know what to do. Almost a decade of being together, and it's all gone because of these bullies and traumas. I want to hurt them badly. The people who caused all of this. But it won't help. All I want is to save her from drowning, but she refuses to be saved. And I'm dying inside.

P.S. Sorry, I'm not good at telling stories. I'm an introvert myself. But as you can see, I am struggling so much. To anyone who has been in a similar situation, please help me recover from this. Or maybe there's still a way to save our relationship. I need help. And she needs help more than anyone else.

Anyone here whos been clinically diagnosed of Paranioa? Maybe you can help me. I have a lot of questions and I badly need any help I can get. We are drowning and suggestions on how to handle it would mean a lot to me.

DM me please. Thank you!

Gsto ko lang mailabas ito at somehow makahanap ng relief (kung meron man) for all the years na napagod akong makipaglaban sa anxiety and depression and overall mental health issues ng fiance ko. I will try my best to give important details on how things wrapped up for our more than 5year relationship.

Cut the long story, she got bullied sa work in a daily basis. Gossiping about her and making green jokes using her name etc. Until one day it got to her mind and started to creep in and take over her life. 4years nangyari yung pagbully and I had no idea bec she looks completely normal until may nagsumbong sakin na friend ng mga bully na ganun yung nangyayare. I will skip the other part of the story pero nagwala ako sa office that time ng malaman ko (magka office kami) but bullshit yung HR, wala silang ginawa. I went to the police station and nagpablotter and was eyeing to file a case, unjust vexation kasi sobrang lala ng effect sa fiance ko. Sabi sakin ng boss nya minsan nakikita nila nagsasalita nalang magisa finace ko habang nakaharap sa screen monitor nya and NO ONE EVEN BOTHERED na sabihin sakin! Kung di pa ko nagimbestiga after may magsumbong. Fake friends pucha.
So ending, pwinersya namin syang magresign which she did eventually. Pero akala ko dun na magtatapos yung problema, dun palang pala maguumpisa.

Shes a VA since nagresign sya. No problem sa pera or sa kahit anong bagay, maliban sa lagi nyang binabalikan yung pangyayari sa loob ng office na yun.

One time, I celebrated my birthday and invited alot of people. The day went by as normal and natapos ang araw na masaya (akala ko masaya). On that day ng birthday ko, doon unang lumabas yung isa sa grabeng outburst nya. We were driving and was looking for a tapsilog/resto para magdinner kasi yung iba kong pinsan and friends (kasama namin sa kotse) was gusto kumain ule. Nagulat kaming lahat sa ginawa nya, nakaupo sya sa passenger seat sa harap and bigla nyang nilingon yung mga tao sa likod and shouted something like "ganyan kayo mas importante pa sa inyo na paniwalaan yung tsismis! Mga walangya kayo!"

Bro. WE ALL FROZE and it was pure silent while she sob like a child.

Pinababa ko silang lahat sa kotse at umuwi kaming dalawa. Sa parking lot I was so confused. Sabi ko ano yung nangyari na yun? Bakit mo sila sinigawan. That's when I discovered something was wrong with her perception na because of the severe trauma. Sabi nya habang nasa biyahe going dun sa venue ng bday celeb ko, lahat daw ng tao mula sa tricycle at bus, pinaguusapan sya. Calling her names and using words na hindi maganda against her. And di ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko, and ang pinaka malaking pagkakamali ko was nagalit ako dahil sa sobrang confusion that time. It was my birhtday and I have no idea whats going on. Questions after questions, and di ko tanda pano natapos yung usapan ng gabi na yon.

After that night, naghanap ako ng maraming article about it to learn on how to deal with it and how to help her. Malakas loob ko since undergrad ako ng med. Nagtanong na rin ako sa mga classmates kong doctor. They said it is an obvious Paranioa.

I tried to convince her na magpatingin (which is mali pala and late ko narealise). Sinabi ko sa family nya yung nadiscover ko, but guess what? Sabi pa sakin ng family nya, sa bahay naman daw nila normal sya, tuwing kasama lang daw ako nagiging ganon. Ending tuloy ako pa yung sinabihan na wag mag cause ng stress etc. But ang hindi nila alam laging nagkkwento sakin ang fiance ko na feeling nya may camera na nakainstall sa mga light bulbs nila at bawat parte ng bahay nila. Same sa kwarto ko kaya tuwing magkasama kami gusto nya laging nakakumot or dapat walang maghuhubad samin sa room ko kahit na magbibihis lang naman. Just imagine how it affected our intimacy as well. Hangang dumating sa point na kapag may naglalarong mga bata sa labas ng bahay nila, which usual naman talaga maingay di ba?, feeling nya sadya yun tapos kapag may nagmura sa labas minumura nya rin pabalik kasi i-take nya yun na para sa kanya. Kahit mga marites na usual naman makikita s kapit bahay, feeling nya sya rin ang topic nila. May instances pa na feeling nya hacked yung phone nya and internet nila na lahat ng convo daw namin kumakalat at pinagtatawanan. Bumili sya ng starlink para palitan ISP nila, bumili bagong laptop, phone, gumastos sa antivirus, nagconsult sa IT etc. Pero ganun paren, walang nagbago sa mga feeling nya about sa paligid. And all these went for years.

Until isang araw, yung kapatid nya may ka-live in sa bahay nila. Kasabwat daw yun nung mga ka-office mate nya at iniumpluwensyahan na kapatid nya na magalit narin sa kanya. Lagi nya kinekwento sakin but ofc di ko vinvalidate nor tinuturndown kasi di yun makakatulong. But to be honest, dko na tanda anong mga sinabi ko kasi no idea ako pano ihandle tlaga. Dito na sya nagumpisang mag-blame ng mga tao nung nagfail na yung claim nya sa internet thing. Ang bad experience lang sa knya when she confronted everybody sa bahay nila about dun sa live in partner na conspirator na rin was, hindi naman daw totoo yun. Feeling lang nya yun. Which I guess made it worse. Facepalm nalang.

Pero that was ok sabi nya, manageable ika nga. Sabi nya ok and nakapg adjust na sya kahit i-judge sya ng mundo basta okay kami at di ako kampi sa kanila. So ofc nire-assure ko sya na may mag badmouth lang sa knya in front of me basag agad ang muka. Akala ko effective until recently, ako na yung pinagdudahan nya.

Lahat ng small things, kinokonek na nya pabalik dun sa trauma na yun. Ganun na ganun rin daw yung gingawa ng mga tao s office nila. Iinisin sya at pagkakaisahan. Di nya lang daw mapaliwanag pero sure sya na may kumakausap sakin direct or indirectly hangang mapa-oo ako na makiisa sa pang-aasar sa kanya. Like as simple as natapakan ko lang sya, sinadya ko daw yun. Nasagi ko yung baso ng tubig nya, sinadya ko rin daw yun. All these drove me insane as in sabi ko pucha endgame na yata to kasi wala ng tiwala sakin. Series of mahinahon na usap/away at may mga sigawan ren. Hanggang isang araw napagod na ako talaga. I cannot take it anymore. 4years have passed since that day, yung birthday celeb na yun, and still we are still here at hindi sya nakapag move on. Sabi ko sa kanya, kung di mo na ako kayang pagtiwalaan kasi sa lahat ng sinasabi mo, sure ka na 100% ako yung kaaway mo. Isoli mo nalang yung singsing kasi pagod na ako. And andami ko ring sinabi sa same convo na yun na re-assurance na di mo ako kalaban, I will never wish harm sayo etc. But still iniwan nya yung singsing sa workstation ko.

Until now di ko pa rin ginagalaw yung ring. Iyak ako ng iyak. I dont know what to do. Almost a decade of being together and its all gone because of these bullies and traumas. I want to hurt them badly. Those people na dahilan ng lahat ng to. But it wont help. All I want is to save her from drowing pero ayaw nyang magpasagip. And Im dying inside.

PS. Sorry di ako magaling magkwento. Im an introvert myself. But you see, Im struggling sobra. Para sa lahat ng may kaparehong situation, help me recover from this please. Or baka kaya pang i-save yung relationship namin. I need help. And she needs help more than anyone else.