More info:
Salary: $140k | 10% contribution w/ 7% employer match
Savings: $30k in HYSA
Husband: $80k annual CRDP (pension + VA comp)
I haven’t thought much about my target number or retirement age. Would be nice to retire early since my husband retired at 40; want to do what makes most sense, especially since I really do love my job. I’m thinking 58-60?
She’s not bad looking IRL and is really such a sweet person. I wish she didn’t feel the need to do this. But, girl, you know that we know you don’t look like this.
This discoloration has recently appeared on my niece’s back. It does not itch or hurt in any way. She has not been exposed or in the sun much, so it’s not sun exposure. TIA.
This might be kind of long and all over the place, so please bear with me.
My niece (19f) and I (36f) have always been very close. My sister always struggled a bit and I was there to pick up the slack and always helped a great deal - financially, physically, emotionally, etc etc. She always preferred talking to me and staying with me, as she and her mom have always had a complicated relationship; her bio father was never involved.
She now lives with me and my husband. We were both okay with this arrangement because she has a good head on her shoulders, is enrolled in community college, has 2 jobs, helps us around the house, and is all around responsible. We are happy to help her.
Then came her next milestone - driving. My sister was never willing to help with teaching her how to drive or letting her drive her car, so in the last year that she’s lived with us, we have: taught her how to drive, she’s gotten her license, she drives one of our vehicles as her daily driver, we have her on our insurance, etc. She is all around a very good kid and has her shit together. We’ve been happily adjusting to our new lives as a live-in family until we have recently encountered an issue that I refuse to back down on …. her boyfriend. (18M).
They got together a year ago. In the beginning, he was allowed at our house and on outings with us and things were fine. He wouldn’t be my choice for her, but I said I’d give him a chance since she clearly thought he was special. There were a couple of times I noticed the way he would say some things to her in a *tone* or say something that would slightly be putting her down. I kept my cool and had a conversation with her about what is and is not acceptable from a partner. I asked her if he ever said or acted aggressively toward her when they’re alone and she said no and told me I was overreacting. Cool. I’m known to do that, especially when it comes to those I love. Then came the “breakups”. You know how it goes with *young love*…break up, make up, yadda yadda yadda. However, after the second/pre-Valentine’s Day breakup, she told me that he had in fact been slightly controlling and disrespectful over the course of their relationship and she thanked me for opening her eyes to it and told me she was done with it. I thanked her for telling me and told her that he was no longer allowed at the house and I want nothing to do with him if they were to get back together.
Well, they were back together less than a week later. I have stuck to my stance on him being dead to me and he is not allowed to come inside of my house, around my 3 dogs, or to any outings. I make it clear that I don’t support the relationship and that she deserves better. I also tell her constantly that no 19 y.o. even needs to be in a relationship and that she should live her life and continue to strengthen her friendships and make memories with the group of girls who likely will be in her life for the long haul. Boys come and go. Yes, I remember being 19 and thinking the idiot I was dating at the time was endgame for me, which is why I feel so compelled to tell her how I feel whenever she brings him up. I will admit that sometimes I am a bit too harsh with my words, but I feel very strongly. Nobody else in the family likes him either.
I feel she has some serious blinders on and it’s really starting to affect our relationship. I would hate to have something as petty as this come between us, but I really just can’t let it go. She always says “he’s changed so much because he doesn’t want to lose me” or “he’s grown so much in the last year” and, to me, that sounds like a pathetic thing to say about an 18 year old! Like, you’re that young and already a shitty person/partner?! We’re not taking about grown ass men with life experience and real-life circumstances.
That was long winded, but I guess I say all that to ask: Do I lighten up? Do I act as though he doesn’t exist and stop giving my unsolicited opinion? My fear is that she will not tell me things now or that she will double down on making this relationship work to “prove me wrong”, but I really can’t stomach the thought of pretending everything is okay with that little Malibu’s Most Wanted ass MF in my house. Please help. 😭