u/impossiblesadness

I lost my precious baby boy of 7 weeks old 8 weeks ago. I can’t stand anyone in my family or friends they don’t understand and just act in ridiculous ways. I’m supposed to be happy and eating at an all you can eat. Or I’m suppose to be crying and breaking down. But it’s always on their time and not how it is realistically for me. I’ve found I can’t cry around some people. And also I’m filled with much rage. This is a long post… basically I wonder if anyone going through these loss. If anyone would want to talk. Preferably on the phone 📞 but messages can work too. I just want to connect with someone maybe that understands this horrible hideous void:..

My third son born on April 27th is gone. It’s been one week to the day. I don’t know what to do. I feel the most horrible inside my guts I am out of tears. I want to cry but I can’t. I can’t go back to my home I’m staying with my brother but he is kicking us out. I just keep remembering him how he was that morning dead.. trying to do cpr I couldn’t find my phone. My other two sons and that I left my baby to go help them… how can you live with this? I should have saved him 😭 It’s my job to protect him. And I just keep going back and forth to not be here anymore either to knowing I have two other sons that need me. But they also seem pretty fine and having fun with their cousins. Like maybe they don’t need me? .. and I think oh I need to have another baby that’s only can help me but then that’s so horrible like as if he could ever be replaced! I don’t know what to do 😭 I don’t know what happens now. Please help me someone …