I [17M] can’t choose between my gf [17F] and another girl [18F]
It’s as the title says. I am dating one girl (Girl A for the duration of this post,) while romantically interested in another (Girl B). This all started at the beginning of HS, and I remember very specifically being interested in Girl B from the minute I saw her. At first it was only an appearance thing, but then it just kinda spiraled to become an everything thing. However, I was too much of a pussy back then, and nothing’s come of it. We’re kinda friends-ish, she’s just a really cool and chill person in general. Maybe more like friendly acquaintances.
Meanwhile, I was moreso friends with Girl A, my current girlfriend. Apparently she had been after me for a while, which I was totally oblivious to until she decided to ask me out during the summer after our sophomore year (~1 year ago at this point.) Because again I figured I missed my shot with Girl B, I just said fuck it and decided to take A up on it, hoping that it could be an opportunity to get over my unrequited feelings. Now I realize that was a stupid decision and it didn’t work. But it also didn’t entirely not work? Let me explain
I have to admit that I don’t find A as attractive as B, or at least I didn’t initially, but it seems like as we continue our relationship those feelings are kinda starting to happen? At first I felt absolutely nothing towards her romantically, but now I’d say it’s like 25%. She’s definitely not ugly, just not exactly my type, and she’s a really good person. Above all, she loves me a lot. She was really happy when I said yes after she asked me out. It‘s really nice to be wanted by someone like that, and I’m also confident that I’m a good boyfriend to her, despite complicated feelings. I genuinely do enjoy spending time with her, I’m comfortable with physical affection, gift giving, etc. There’s nothing unhealthy about our relationship, except for the fact that I don’t feel the same way about her.
Anyways, where it gets more complicated is that recently I was at a func talking to a close friend of B’s, and he said that she had a huge thing for me during our underclassman years, but that she didn’t anymore since I got a girlfriend.
And I was just like, FUCK!!! I wasted so much time wallowing and acting like there wasn’t anything between us, but there totally was and I might’ve wasted my opportunity????
So that’s where I’m stuck. Should I end things with A and shoot my shot with B, or just take responsibility for my actions and stay with A? I‘m sure things will turn out fine for me either way, but like I said, I’m stuck.
And I KNOW this is a really bad look on my part. I’m guilty. I know it’s wrong. I’m not asking anyone to judge my character, I just want some help with choosing my next step forward.
tldr; I’ve been interested in this one girl all throughout high school, but started dating another. Our relationship is pretty good, but I still don’t really love her, and I think I might have a shot with the first girl despite everything.
also let me know if anyone needs any more clarification. this is kind of just train of thought, so probably not super readable.