u/intergalactic_pickle

I’m trying to understand a CPS situation involving a former close friend and could use insight from people familiar with the system.

About 1-2 months ago, my friend called me panicking and said her mom and brother had called CPS on her and made false accusations. She insisted the allegations weren’t true, but honestly the story was very confusing and hard to follow.

One thing that really confused me was that her brother apparently works for CPS, and she claimed he somehow became involved in her case and safety plan. She also claimed her drug tests were being tampered with because the worker administering them knew her brother. I genuinely do not know what to believe.

We had a falling out about 2 weeks ago and have not been speaking. I also live in another state and haven’t seen her in person in many years.

This morning I received a call and text from someone at the Department of Children and Families asking questions about her. I responded that we are no longer close and I don’t have current information about her life.

A few hours later, my former friend contacted me saying her child had been removed the night before. She claimed her mother and brother refused to follow the safety plan and gave several explanations that honestly didn’t make much sense to me.

I’m struggling because I still think of her as my childhood best friend, but at the same time she’s nearing 40 and some of her recent behavior has seemed very erratic and disconnected from reality.

My questions are:

• If CPS says they are “looking for placement” for a child, does that usually mean the child has already been removed, or can it mean they are preparing for possible removal?
• If a child is removed, where are they usually taken initially?
• Is it legal/ethical for a family member who works for CPS to be directly involved in a relative’s case or safety plan?
• How common is it for parents in these situations to believe everyone is conspiring against them or tampering with drug tests?

I’m not trying to attack her. I’m just trying to understand what’s realistic versus what may be distorted.

I had to put my soul kitty to sleep almost a week ago, and honestly the regret and guilt have been the hardest part of all of this. I feel like it’s eating me alive. The pain has been unlike anything I’ve experienced in my adult life.

The house feels unbearably quiet and depressing without her here. She was always by my side and such a huge comfort to me, and now everything feels empty without her presence nearby. There hasn’t been a single day yet where I haven’t completely broken down crying.

What’s also scaring me is how physically affected I’ve become from the grief. Food that I used to love suddenly tastes almost foul or completely unappetizing, and I can barely bring myself to eat. Today I looked in the mirror and realized how thin and frail I’m starting to look after just a few days, which stressed me out even more. (I've always naturally been on the thinner side, but after barely eating this past week, I’m starting to look noticeably frail and it’s honestly scaring me a little.)

For those of you who have gone through losing a soul pet:

What helped you stay afloat during those first few weeks?

Were there any high calorie / easy foods you could tolerate while grieving when your appetite disappeared?

And how long did it take before you started to feel even a small sense of normalcy again?

Wednesday will make a full week since losing her, and I’m honestly terrified of how emotional that day is going to feel.

I miss my best bud so much.