I think my first year dating men has emotionally destroyed me
I’m 29 and after spending most of my life dating women, this has been my first year really dating men. I thought it would finally feel like I was being authentic, and in a lot of ways it has. But emotionally… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhausted.
The first guy completely swept me off my feet. The chemistry was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. For the first time, I felt like I understood what people meant when they talked about really falling for someone. He completely took over my life mentally. I thought about him from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I genuinely thought there was a future there.
Then, almost overnight, he became distant. Every text felt different. I spent weeks trying to figure out what changed and wondering what I had done wrong. When it finally ended, I was devastated. I’d known him for such a short amount of time, yet I thought about him every single day for months afterward. It was honestly one of the deepest heartbreaks I’ve experienced and I wasn’t prepared for how much it would affect me.
A few months later, I met someone else. We had an incredible date, spent the night together, and I walked away thinking, “Maybe this is my second chance.” We had another great date after that, and I started letting myself get excited again. Then a few days later he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and just wanted something casual. I respected his honesty but it crushed me because I realized we wanted completely different things. It felt like I had barely gotten back on my feet before I was knocked down again.
Now I’m seeing someone new who I genuinely like, and instead of just enjoying it, I feel like I’m bracing for impact. Every time he takes longer than usual to text back, my brain immediately assumes history is repeating itself. I hate that these experiences have made me expect disappointment instead of feeling excited.
What’s weird is… dating women honestly felt easier. Communication felt more straightforward. I rarely questioned where I stood and I didn’t feel like I was constantly analyzing every text message. Maybe that’s just my experience, but dating men has felt so much more emotionally unpredictable. I don’t know if it’s because these are my first relationships with men, because the dating culture is different, or because I’ve just had bad luck.
I know there are amazing gay relationships out there. I see them all the time, and that’s exactly what I want. I want someone who’s excited to text me. Someone who wants to build a life together. Someone who chooses me as much as I choose them. But after the past several months, I’m tired. Part of me wants to delete the apps, stop trying, and protect myself from another heartbreak. Another part of me knows that if I give up now, I’ll never find what I’m looking for.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to know if anyone else’s first experiences dating men were this emotionally overwhelming. Or maybe I am just tired lol.