u/jatlc444

TW SEXUALITY TALK/MENTION

So, I'm over 30. I'm a trans man. I'm aplatonic and always have been. I've seen myself as a man for a long time too but only just started T. I'm *also* probably either frayromantic or alloromantic and demisexual aceflux and have kink as a completely non-negotiable aspect of sexual relationships AND monogamy as a completely non-negotiable aspect of romantic relationships.

Most of my anxieties lie in being considered predatory/rude/shitty for being clear about not wanting friendship at all or open or poly since none of that is particularly helpful to me...But also being older and queer and kinky. (Being in my 30s and queer but not wanting QPRs or FWB arrangements is wildly uncommon apparently)

How the hell do I go about like...Getting an actual romantic partner with all these boxes checked? Preferably one that doesn't expect me to be a bottom or a Dom all the time either bc that's not it for me.

Bigger question, how do you BE queer like that without any desire for friendship and still have support? It just seems extremely strongly emphasized...On top of not being ace enough or aro enough to not want sex or romance at all...But being zero percent poly and being too demi for open stuff on top of being aplatonic...S real garbagey and adding that on top of really not wanting to be relagated to online spaces but seeing very little in my city for this kind of thing or really anywhere...

Idk I'm just frustrated and dunno if there's anyone like me that's ever existed let alone around here...

I usually use regular YT for this but I moved it to YT music. I like making a lot of small mix-tape playlists and was looking for a place to start sharing them more often.

This is the one I'm listening to a lot lately, and yeah, I do repeat songs between playlists sometimes, but I'm interested in branching out more. There's a lot of diff kinds of music in this one, but it's all on a specific vibe/topic which is hope.

So hope you enjoy.

So, I've noticed it's next to impossible to be monogamous and part of that community, let alone part of that lifestyle. The moment you admit you're into anything apart from the normative things, there's an assumption of total degeneracy...And no, no I'm very private and committed but I'm literally not capable of a vanilla relationship...And when I do try to reach out into that sort of social zone it's...I admit, while not literally impossible, damn close, to find anyone remotely serious who is interested in a long term monogamous commitment.

Not to mention that the moment I put my foot in the door of any of those kinds of social events or social spaces, even outside of yknow 'event' events...It's never about just meeting people, there's always got to be some nasty garbage about having a massive cule or a totally open arrangement and when I approached partners in the past, which I admit was stupid of me to give in to, they would already be assuming I was poly/open or only interested in a dynamic and not a romantic relationship on top of that...

And it's really busted up my view of how capable literally anyone is of a relationship where that kind of thing is mutually necessary but not the entire reason to be with each other...Like, do people just...Not like other people anymore? Is it all about sleeping around and entertaining themselves with being dramatic and manipulative/mean for no reason to each other?

Like, fundamentally it's a space with a lot of mental health stuff implicit in the needs of those who engage it but like...There's gotta be SOME real ones out there, right?