I’m a SAHM and haven’t looked into daycares much in the past so I’m not sure where to start now but I would like to find a Montessori based daycare that would accept my 3.5 year old for only 2 hours a day. Anyone know of any places that do that? Or maybe a Mother’s Day out program? All help is appreciated.
Hi, I just opened this account to get some outside perspective on my situation with my sister because it’s been weighing heavily on me. Sorry for the long text in advance.
Background: my sister (40) and I (37) used to get along really well. Until she met her husband (43).
From the get go he behaved like a bully to me and our younger sister (35). However, it felt like at first I was the target the most. I think that was because my sister and I were closest.
He became very manipulative with her. He had her convinced that all her friends were inferior or jealous of her. At the same time he also chipped way at her confidence by making fun of her insecurities. He sabotaged her university degree and discouraged her in her career and eventually made her a housewife with a tiny and monitored budget. But whenever I would say something about it to my sister, she would make up excuses for him and get into arguments with me.
Anyway, he targeted everyone close to her to the point where she no longer had a relationship with them. Fortunately for me, I moved to another country and I was safe from his bullying. But I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells around my sister because I always felt like if I said something again, she would stop speaking to me. Therefore, our relationship was quite surface level for over a decade. And she had actually allowed him to eventually destroy her relationship with our younger sister.
Now the current situation: he succeeded pushing the younger sister away, so he began to focus on our brother (38). Picking on him, antagonising him, plainly bullying him. We all put up with it for sister sake. However, our brother is not as patient as his younger sisters and he is a big and strong dude so after some explosive texts/calls from sister’s husband, he was met with some fists.
To me, it felt like my brother had been provoked for so long by a bully, and he reached his breaking point.
They called the police on our brother. He was arrested for the night. They then decided to press charges.
So how do I come into this? After a few days, sister calls me to ask how our mother is doing. Our mother lives a 5 minute drive from her but she’s decided to blame our mothers (single - dad passed when we were all small children) parenting for brothers behaviour, and is refusing to see her. So I tell her to go check on her herself, what am I going to do 4000+ miles away.
Important to note that mother lives with brother’s family and is fighting breast cancer and brother is her caretaker and a SAHD.
Sister begins to tell me that brother deserves time in jail to learn a lesson. For the first time in over a decade I decide to confront her and I tell her she’s wrong for wanting to send him to prison for this as he’s been provoked/bullied for years (in fact we all have), and she should think about how this is going to affect his kids and our mother. I tell her if she wants to cut ties with him that’s understandable but what her and her husband are doing isn’t fair. The past comes up and the conversation gets loud and we hang up. From that moment she ghosts me. I text and call her a few times, and crickets. A couple of months later I went to visit our mother and saw my nephews (sisters kid) at the local park where I take my kid when I’m visiting, and I spoke to them and wanted to give one of them a card with some cash inside because it had just been his birthday. The birthday kid looked at me like I was dirt. The other said hi but was nervous to speak any longer. I was hurt. I love her kids so much. We all do. Our mother quit her job to take care of them whilst sister worked. And they really loved us back until then.
Sister’s house is by the park and she sees me and comes out of the house to tell me to leave the park. She says she will call the police for harassment if I go back again.
In that argument I told her I’ll never contact her again, even if our mother is dying I will not reach out. At this point she was no contact with brother and younger sister.
It was stupid to say but I was hurt. Not only had she ghosted me for months, but she was threatening police on me for saying hello to my nephews. The kids that spoke to me on the phone just a couple of months ago excited that I was visiting soon.
I haven’t spoken to her in a year now. I admit that I don’t actually miss her much. She became very toxic. I do miss my nephews but I’ve just come to accept that I may never see or speak to them again. I also feel sadness for all of our kids that will grow up with a non existent relationship with their other cousins.
Any advice here? Was I wrong? I do feel guilty about my last words I said to her. Everyone I’ve told about this says it’s understandable because I was hurt and caught off guard with the police threats but I do often think about messaging and apologising for that part. Although I wouldn’t even know how to message her, she’s blocked me and all of our family everywhere.
P.s. if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading