u/jaytanium

I failed in class 8th, then 11th, then 12th, and later dropped out of engineering. For most of my life, I thought I was just inconsistent, lazy, confused, or not disciplined enough. The strange part is that I was never uninterested in learning. In fact, I was always very curious. I loved science as a kid. I liked knowing how things worked. I could get deeply interested in one topic and go into it with full intensity. Sometimes I would learn so much about something that people around me thought I was knowledgeable or smart.

But the problem was never curiosity. The problem was control.

I could not decide what my brain should focus on. I would get extremely interested in one thing, go deep into it, try to understand it properly, almost obsess over it, and just when I started getting good at it, my brain would suddenly find the next interesting thing. Then that became my whole world.

Science, music, drumming, movies, business, ideas my life has been a series of intense interests. Some of them actually helped me become a more aware and knowledgeable person, but they also made me feel very unstable from the outside. I looked confused, but internally I was constantly chasing something that felt meaningful in that moment.

School never really rewarded that. Marks, exams, fixed routines, long-term consistency ..I struggled with all of it. I was not bad at understanding things, but I was terrible at performing in the system. So even though I had interest in science, my grades were average or bad. I scored 64% in 10th when everyone around me seemed to be scoring above 90%. I somehow got science because my parents and principal saw my genuine interest, but after 10th, science became overwhelming and I failed again.

Later, I went to Kota, got introduced to freedom, movies, music, and some genuinely brilliant students who cared more about learning than just scoring. But even there, I failed again. Eventually I passed 12th with 75%, which may sound average to many people, but for me it was a huge personal achievement.

I joined engineering, but by then I was pulled in multiple directions science, drumming, movies, creativity, and life in general. I failed again in 2nd year and finally dropped out.

For years, I carried a lot of shame. I thought I had wasted my potential. I could see that I was not “dumb,” but my life results did not match what I felt inside. That gap is very painful. Later in life, I got diagnosed with ADHD. And honestly, it explained so much.

The curiosity, the hyperfocus, the sudden loss of interest, the inconsistency, the emotional crashes, the inability to do boring but important things, the feeling of being capable but still failing at basic structure.. it all started making sense.

Today, I run a successful business and earn well. I also joined the IIT Madras online degree program because some part of me still wants to complete that unfinished chapter. Not because I want to prove the world wrong, but because I finally understand myself a little better now.

I do not want to sound proud or narcissistic, but I have realized that ADHD may have also shaped some good parts of me. It made me curious. It made me connect different ideas. It made me go deep into topics. It made me learn in a non-linear way. Maybe that is why, despite failing in the traditional system, I still became a fairly knowledgeable and thoughtful person.

I just wish I had known earlier that I was not lazy or broken. My brain simply worked differently, and I spent years fighting it without knowing what I was fighting.

I failed in class 8th, and honestly, that was only the beginning of my story.

My father’s business made us move cities when I was in class 7th. I had grown up in South India, and even though I am North Indian, I had always lived in the South. When I shifted to a North Indian city, I landed in a below-average school because no good school would admit me in the middle of the year. I was bullied a lot, even made fun of for my Hindi. It became so traumatic that after class 8th, I had to change schools and repeat the year because of bad grades.

I was always an average student. Not great with marks, but very curious. I loved science since childhood, but that never really reflected in my grades. In class 10th, when most students around me were scoring above 90%, I got 64%. My parents were upset, obviously, but my grandparents were just happy that I had passed, and they even celebrated it.

No school wanted to give me science with those marks. But my parents fought for me, and my principal also fought for me because he had seen my genuine interest in science and my participation in science exhibitions, where I had even helped the school win an award. Somehow, I got science.

But science after 10th was a completely different world. I got overwhelmed. My interest in music was also growing, and mentally I was not in a good place. I failed in class 11th. Everyone started pointing fingers at my parents, saying they made the wrong decision. Relatives who had already doubted me now felt proven right.

Even then, my parents supported me. They were disappointed, but they did not abandon me. They sent me to Kota to repeat 11th and 12th with JEE preparation. There I got introduced to freedom, movies, music, and also some genuinely brilliant students who cared more about learning than just scoring. But I failed again, this time in 12th. That felt world-shattering.

Somehow, I got admission again in class 12th and finally passed with 75%. For the world, maybe that was average. For me, it was a huge achievement.

Then I joined a basic engineering college. By then, my love for music, drumming, and movies had grown a lot. I was confused between science, music, and filmmaking. I failed again in 2nd year. Around the same time, my father faced losses in business, and because of shame and pressure, I decided to drop out of engineering.

Today, I run a successful business and earn well. I also somehow managed to join the IIT Madras online degree program because somewhere inside me, that unfinished chapter still mattered.

Later in life, I got diagnosed with ADHD. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense why I struggled, why I could not study like others, why I was curious but inconsistent, why I was never “lazy” in the way people thought.

My parents were strict, yes. But they also changed with time. I genuinely feel the movie Taare Zameen Par changed something in them when I was around class 7th. They started seeing me differently. They supported me at every failure, even when society, relatives, and the education system made them feel like they had failed as parents.

So when people talk about Indian parenting, I feel it is not always black and white. Some parents are strict, flawed, scared, and under social pressure. But some of them still love deeply, learn slowly, and stand by their child even when the whole world is questioning them.

I really love my parents for that.