u/jbsnhbxn

Hi all, I have recently been through a breakup and it was my first relationship. I decided to seek therapy as the relationship had some emotional abuse especially near the end of the relationship where my ex made comments about wanting to come to somewhere near my workplace and end her life (i’m working as a first responder).

Initially before my ex and I broke up, she found this therapist A and made us go couples counselling with therapist A. I did benefit quite a bit from the session, and requested for therapist A’s contact as I wanted to work on myself. My relationship took a turn for the worse and my ex subsequently called me “fucking liar” and “performative bitch” + sent me a suicide message hinting that she might attempt suicide and I could not stand for that hence broke up with my ex. Subsequently, I decided to see therapist A for individual counselling.

The first individual session (physically held on a saturday afternoon) with therapist A was quite okay though she didn’t do what therapist usually do during intake sessions (my guess is to ask about my goals, a broad overview of my personal history etc) and just asked me what I wanted to talk about and I mainly talked about what happened between from the couples therapy till the suicide attempt. I understand that it was my first session, she let me leave with the thought that nothing was fixed and I could choose not to continue if I didn’t feel safe or comfortable. However, when I tried to schedule a next session on saturday evening itself for next saturday, she told me her available slots and I gave her the one that was my preferred timing. until now (monday 3:30pm at the timing of this post), she has not made a follow up on it and i’m wondering if i should send a message asking for confirmation (I don’t wish to seem pushy or cross her boundaries) or it’s just a lack of professionalism (?) and that she might not be a good fit (?)

I do feel I have things to talk about but might need some help in leading the conversation as I am worried that I run out of things to say or keep repeating myself. I also do recognise I tend to overworry / overthink things and can’t really trust my own judgement due to what I have experienced in my relationship so I do believe I need therapy. But I’m not sure if I can trust my judgement of this therapist. Do advice, thank you!

My girlfriend (26F) has good values such as loyalty, non-promiscuous, affectionate and caring. We share a lot of similar values too. I have my own flaws of being someone that is more reactive instead of proactive and is stubborn at times. As far as I have read in this thread, she did not love bomb me but does tend to tell all her stories from the victim perspective and I find myself relating to some of the posts (about putting on a performance, like a child).

For extra context, she tends to blow up whenever I do not say things that are considerate of her feelings. I do not mean that what I say is mean or rude, it’s more of a “oh I can phrase it better” in a more caring way kind of thing. So for example, I had a new work schedule popping up and I could not carry on with my original plan to celebrate her birthday for the full period, it will be cut short by like a few hours. I mentioned that we could still spend the night and the next day together and she got upset and blew up at why I did even say/consider that thought. She then proceeds to tell me to figure things out myself.

Additionally, this is a recurring problem which she somehow always starts a fight about me not being considerate and caring enough in terms of my words, just played out in different scenarios. She isn’t the jealous type but wants to spend every moment with me. She also doesn’t have good relationships with her parents and has just a handful of friends. Her exes are all abusive and use her for her body as she claims. I do feel a bit of a relief when I get my own alone time but guilty for feeling this way and guilty when I tell her “no” about last minute impromptu meetups.

When she has a breakdown in real life and completely shuts down, I have to do all the communicating and I end up being met with silence as well as to physically help to move her from one location to another.

When she has a breakdown (usually at night/midnight), she will send me walls of texts and even claims that I have the cheek to sleep peacefully at night (I work on the frontlines) and does not care about her at all and expects me to come up with an action plan to satisfy her. I did once rush over to her at 1am before as she asked if I could be by her side to comfort her as her love language is physical touch.

I truly can’t tell if she exhibits signs of BPD or it is something completely different. I am planning on leaving the relationship as I do feel like I have reclaimed some of my freedom if I do that.