u/jessmariano69

M36, 6ft3, 182lbs. I'm on my second week of getting back into lifting and this is my starting point. I'm definitely benefitting from some muscle memory from (VERY infrequent) lifting in the past. I'm not looking to get shredded or washboard abs, but I would like a more naturally athletic physique - bigger chest and shoulders, tighter waist, bigger arms)

I'm following a basic recomp plan (courtesy of trainer winny on YouTube) consisting mainly of compound lifts with progressive overload, with a little bit of ab exercises and a small amount of cardio added.

I'm not counting calories yet, but my guess is that I'm not meeting my maintenance (2800). I'm really focusing on protein to help with recovery, but my appetite is very low at the moment, even after starting to lift again. I've dropped about 14lbs over the past couple of months (due to stress, don't ask).

I know it's super early days, but any thoughts, recommendations, adjustments? Shall I try to meet my maintenance or could I get away with a cut? Or should I just carry on doing what I'm doing? Any thoughts are appreciated, as I'm very new to this

I met a beautiful guy through a hook-up app who is 13 years my junior. The sex was incredible from the jump, and after some repeat meetups we realised we got along well and had some common interests. Over the next 9 months we slowly built up to a really beautiful and easy relationship. We couldn't get enough of each other, started meeting each others friends and family, making future plans and the love and intimacy just grew and grew. I was apprehensive about the age difference (I'd never dated younger), and because he'd never been in a relationship before, but he consistently impressed me with how emotionally mature and grounded he could be.

6 months into the relationship he told me that he'd kissed somebody else on a night out. He regretted it immediately and told me as soon as he could see me in person. We took a couple of days of space and then came back together, when he first expressed that he was feeling overwhelmed by the guilt and wasn't sure if he could get past it. I told him I was hurt, but ultimately I believed we could work through it because the kiss sounded like a stupid drunken mistake, rather than our relationship lacking anything.

That was about 5 weeks ago. Since then he's been deeply struggling with guilt and some intense pre-existing low self-worth issues for him (doesn't feel like he deserves love, feels like he's a bad person, etc). He's withdraw emotionally, texting has felt strained, time together has reduced and the sex has completely stopped. I'm usually pretty secure and grounded, but this shift has made my anxiety go crazy. I've also been incredibly angry that he hasn't been able to show up for me when I've needed him most. I've communicated these feelings to him and he's been really understanding and receptive, whilst also expressing that he doesn't have much to give right now. We've both barely been eating or sleeping, which doesn't help. He's also unemployed at the moment and doesn't have a lot of structure or support.

I've honestly thought things have been improving since then. He's been showing up, giving everything he has, physical intimacy has gradually been returning, and spending time together has felt easier.

But then a few days ago he broke up with me. We had a long talk and he explained that although things have been feeling easier when we're together, he feels like he's being eaten alive by the guilt when we're apart and he's at a complete loss for what to do. I've tried helping and reassuring him as much as I can (it's not been that long, time heals, I'm here to support him) but I don't think he can accept it from me. I don't want to lose him, but he's just so overwhelmed that I can't get through to him.

There's still so much love between us, and neither of us want it to end. But he just doesn't see another way out of feeling so bad. I'm completely heartbroken. I'm happy with how I've handled myself in the situation, but it's so frustrating not being able to get through to him.

I just want him back. I ache for his touch and his sex. I've also JUST moved house and now live 5 minutes walk from him. I'm giving him space but I don't want to get over him. What should I do?

Beginner tips?