u/jonikrumpus

Problem/Goal: My mother has asked me for money that she promised she’ll pay back and now she’s offering an inahing baboy instead, saying it might be good for my passive income, but I’m too frustrated to make any kind of decision.

Context: Hi! I’m the eldest child of a mother of 3. My mother, her boyfriend, and their children (my siblings) live in a rural area in the mountains, while I live in my grandparent’s house and act as a caregiver to my grandfather.

For context, I am a freelance artist that earns a decent sum monthly, though it’s based solely off of my ability to attract a customer. By no means is it a stable income, but since I live with my grandfather, I don’t need to worry about having a decent meal 3 times a day, and the bills are mostly covered by my aunt who lives in Manila. I do have enough money to cover my personal bills monthly (wifi, subscriptions, etc.) and I sometimes have generous customers who tip or pay well.

Last year, I found out my mother had a surprising amount of debt from online gambling, when I happened to look at her phone and see text messages of various numbers reaching out to her on her loans and such. This made me sad. After that, I don’t ask her for money or anything if I can help it. I do need her help with my tuition fees as I am a college student, but apart from that I rarely ask anything of her. Lately, she’s been asking me for money, saying she’ll pay me back. It used to be an OK amount, 500 here, 300 there. Then it progressed to her sending me my tuition fee for the month, then asking for it back, and then get irritable when I ask about where it has gone. Recently as well I have found out that some people she has loaned money from are cussing her out and such, and my grandparents are helping with paying for that loan now. These happenings have been weighing on my mind and heart, I pity my mom and I want to help her in any way I can, so I don’t find any reason to withhold money from her if I can help it, but there are times when I get no clients and I have no motivation to draw.

Last July, my biological father has died, and I received a 50,000 peso insurance from PAG-IBIG. My mother immediately asked for half of it, as she needed it for her tuition fee for a Master’s (she’s a teacher), which I gladly loaned her. She promises to give it back, but it’s been almost a year, and honestly, I can’t bring myself to ask about it, knowing my mother’s financial situation.

Lately, I feel like I have grown resentment towards my mother, as I see her gambling whenever she comes visit me, always on her phone. Her asking me for money has been more frequent, 1000 here, 2000 there. I don’t know where that money ends up, it feels disrespectful to even ask what she’ll do with it, but I’m worried she might be using it to gamble, and I think that doubt that festers in my mind is the reason I have such resentment towards her. Don’t be mistaken, I love my mother very much, but seeing her like this worries me.

This morning, my Mother messaged me again, asking for 3000 pesos. “So I owe you 5,300 pesos now, I’m really sorry, I’ve been sick and <Boyfriend> needs to make a few payments,” which I promptly sent to her through gcash. She said she was embarrassed, to be looking to me for money. After a minute, she asked me if I’d take a soon-to-be Sow in place of her paying me back, saying it just needs 1,800 pesos every month for its feed, and by December it will have piglets, which she said would be a bit of passive income for me. After a few strings of messages of her trying to convince me, I could feel myself getting frustrated. My commissions weren’t popping off lately, and my money in hand were money I saved up for the past few months. I was already having a not-so great morning, so I admit I have said something which might be a little mean, I told her that maybe we should talk about it later, and that she only talks to me about money lately and it made me feel shitty. To be fair, our past conversation before this one was asking me for 2,300 pesos, and a conversation before that was asking me for money as well, so I was kind of right, but it didn’t feel good as I re-read it after I sent it. She apologized again, and I felt even shittier.

So, Reddit, what should I do? should I accept the inahing baboy? I am not very aware of how I could get passive income from the pigs, and 1,800 pesos monthly for the feed is something I can’t do, I’m barely getting by as it is recently, but I also don’t want to disappoint my mother. Please help 🥹