Lapsed at 2nd Temple Degree, forgotten most of it. Where do I even start
I stopped my studies about 4-5 years ago -_-'. Not because I lost faith in the work, the principles genuinely changed my life, I just lacked the discipline to keep up with the monographs(maybe a weird imposter syndrome as genuinely a lot of positive changes occurred) and eventually drifted.
I got as far as the 2nd Temple Degree. Problem is, I've forgotten a huge amount. If I'm honest I don't think I could hold my own on much of the Temple Degree material, and the thought of walking into a lodge in that state is embarrassing(or...)
So a few questions for anyone who's been through this:
When you reinstate, do you resume where you left off, or can you request to go back and re-work earlier degrees? Is that a Grand Lodge decision or up to you?
For those who did restart from Neophyte, was it worth it, or did it feel like treading water?
How much of this is "just start again and let it come back" vs. genuinely needing to re-do the exercises properly?
Realistically, does anyone at a lodge care what you remember? Or is that anxiety mine to get over?
Any advice appreciated. I'd rather come back properly than half-heartedly and drift off again.