Dropped by my therapist.
Edit/Update: I do understand why she recommended a higher level of care. While I do understand, I’m still honestly sad and discouraged and I think I needed to vent a little… though this probably wasn’t the right place, but I appreciate everyone’s insight. I will be able to look at inpatient seriously in the fall, my husband’s financial situation will be 100% different then and I will be able to take some time off. In the meantime, I don’t want to give up on treatment completely because it is some months away, but it may be best for now.
I finally found one that I felt I had connected with. Opened up about A LOT of things I had never confronted before. Been going consistently for a number of weeks. I have fairly severe GI disorders but also disordered eating as a consequence of having poor coping mechanisms. My weight is low and my BMI is low, but I have been ‘stable’ for over two years. Finding an outpatient program that will take me has proven to be impossible. I CAN NOT TAKE TIME OFF WORK. I am the SOLE income for my family since November and even prior to that, my income pays the majority of the bills. It’s not always going to be like this, but this is the situation and if I go inpatient, my daughter and husband will be FUCKED. My low weight isn’t even solely BECAUSE of the ‘disordered’ eating anyways, so that’s not even 100% of the issue. Anyways, my therapist claims I did not tell her my weight in the intake and said I was 130 lbs. I would never have lied. So she made me go get clearance from my pcp to do outpatient therapy and my pcp said no way, she agrees I should be inpatient. In the meantime, I missed two sessions without communication because I was sick and stressed because I found out my mom might have lung cancer and when I get stressed, I avoid things and run away, so my ex-therapist messaged me and said she can’t see me anymore. Saw that message from her the morning I saw my pcp. So that’s that. I was dropped. In what world is it better for me to receive *NO treatment* for my anxiety and depression and ptsd and traumas? How do I navigate this?? This is insane. I truly can’t believe this is better for someone if they can’t go inpatient.