Performance anxiety, psychological (33M) - What's helped you?
I've been suffering to performance anxiety for months now after a few episodes of not being able to maintain an erection (especially when wearing a condom). It's purely psychological.
It has come to a point where I'm avoiding dating altogether. A woman flirts with me and my thoughts quickly go to "Oh she'd want to have sex eventually, of course. And once she learns I'm having issues, she'll leave me and go match with someone else on the apps."
I've also heard some men talk about how the 'expectation of sex' (often an assumption) itself can give them anxiety and that just keeps spiralling. It's definitely something I've felt. The anxiety is crippling at times.
What is something that has worked for you? A thought, a new perspective, anything.
What has NOT helped me -
- Tadalafil 5mg hasn't worked
- "Sex isn't just about penetration." - Sure. I don't believe that to be very honest. Eventually we do want to get there.
- "Stay present and focus on the conversation when you're out on a date." - Sorry, but if you know an anxious person, asking them to 'stay present' is such shit advice. We're all thinking of all the ways a situation can possibly go wrong and how we can avoid it.
- Talking about it to your partner - Honestly, I think this only works with long-term partners. I can't bring this up with someone I've been seeing for only a few weeks. And no one would continue a sex-less dating life more than a few months. They'll most likely start swiping again and go with someone who can provide them that.
(I get how I'm making irrational assumptions about the way a woman might think here. But it's just a braindump of my thoughts)