my dog is dying
i don’t know how to stop crying.
2 days ago, we rushed our dog to the vet because i was so scared it was parvo or distemper. after the tests, we found out his creatinine levels were really high. the vet told us that as dogs get older, they’re more prone to kidney disease. we were sent home with medications, an iv, and a strict diet. i held on to that hope so tightly because i really believed he was going to get better.
yesterday, i was so happy because he finally ate, even if it was only through force feeding. it felt like such a small win, but to me it meant everything. i thought maybe this was the start of him getting better.
then today, everything changed.
he started passing blood, and while i was cleaning him up, i put him down for just a second and he suddenly collapsed. that’s when my mom looked at me and told me to prepare myself.
i want to keep fighting for him. i want to believe that if we just try one more thing, he’ll get better. but the truth is, we’re also dealing with my sibling’s ACL injury and upcoming surgery, and we’ve already spent so much. more than anything, i don’t want my dog’s last days to be nothing but pain. i think that’s the hardest part of loving a pet, wanting them to stay, while also not wanting them to suffer anymore.
i’ve been crying all day because i honestly don’t know how i’m supposed to do life without him.
my dog has always been the first one to greet me whenever i came home. every single day. he slept beside me every night. he never had to say anything to make me feel loved. he did it just by being there.
right now, we’re just waiting.
i never thought there would come a day where i’d be praying for him to let go instead of asking him to keep fighting. i can’t even believe i’m saying this, but i’d rather lose him than watch him suffer like this for one more second. that’s how much i love him.
i’m trying to accept what’s happening, but i don’t think i’ll ever be ready to come home to a house where he isn’t waiting for me at the door anymore.