u/kaitlintimefordinner

...and I so badly want to fall off the wagon. Summers are hard. Holidays are harder. Stressful life events are hardest. Right now I've got all 3 going on and I just want to forget everything and dance and sing and laugh.

But I can't because that's a slippery slope to a month-long binge and going off the rails.

I've never been in a program or to a meeting, I also have bipolar and when one of my medications started having extreme reactions to alcohol it was easy-ish to quit. I'm not even on that medication anymore...but I know I can't do moderation. It's a proven fact. I also feel like I have very little support and I thought about trying a LifeRing meeting, but I chickened out at the last minute.

About 3 weeks ago I left my center director position because quality was dipping, the Board of Directors was advising that I take it easy on the staff or overstaff each room (without increasing the payroll budget), and they also refused to allow me to remove a child whose behavior had escalated to dangerous because the child belonged to a staff member. I was firm and warned the Board that drastic measures needed to be taken to avoid a major fallout and I was disrespected and disregarded as being an alarmist and overreacting. Well...it's a small town and I caught wind that yet another family is trying to find childcare so that they can leave because their children are not safe. I would call the state, but they were just there and found nothing. I'm just beside myself that I was unable to fix this center and retrain the staff. I'm carrying so much guilt for walking away, despite knowing deep down that I couldn't have changed it with the governance as it was (believe me I tried). My heart just hurts so much and I don't know where to go from here. It's the only center in town so parents are held hostage there. I don't really expect advice, I just needed to vent.

I'm 34. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 28 and diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. I have always struggled in finding and keeping a career and/or job. I have been working in nonprofit and/or hospitality for about 8 years, switching between the 2. I recently quit my job on a burnt-out rage-induced whim (something, I've never done in my life) and I don't have a plan...I have about 15 concepts of plans, but how do I choose a lane?

I've worked in childcare, automotive, back to childcare, hospitality, nonprofit administration, and back to childcare (but in a nonprofit administrative capacity). Last year I wrote a business plan, and almost got it off the ground, but funding fell through. Mind you, this is all while homeschooling my son. Now I've got a few ventures I'd be interested in exploring or trying out, but we live in a really small town and I'm worried that I have a reputation for being a flake and my credibility is shot from job jumping. I've applied for a few jobs, but haven't even gotten interviews l.

What do I do?

In theory, the Center Director is an easy job to leave. The pay isn't great. The stress is high. Your plate is not just full, it's overflowing. Parents can be rude. Staff can be demanding Owners and Boards have no clue. Spending your days trying to keep everything above water with compliance and expectations.

But you get so emotionally invested in the staff and the kids. That's when you finally decide on a Sunday afternoon that you simply cannot do it anymore...

All you can think about is how you've let them down and the holes they leave in your heart. It's devastating and traumatizing and painful. But you put your head down and look for something else because you absolutely cannot maintain this another day.

I miss my kids and it's only been the weekend. My heart hurts.

We're a nonprofit and I crashed out on my Board of Directors over something small because of a culmination of many things.

I basically sent them a 4 page tyraid of how they've failed me over the past year and how low the quality of our center has become. That I'm embarrassed and it needs to be addressed.

Everything is just a mess. There are no current policies or processes, no strategic or business plan, the budget is off, tuition was not determined by the actual cost of care, and staff quality and morale are low. I need help and when I reach out for it, they hit me with accusations of not accepting help in the past and only reaching out when I need help in a crisis. I requested leave and they approved 30 days, but I realize that I probably won't be back. I don't know what I expected. For them to somehow see the light? See my perspective? After ignoring it for so long?

I'm feeling like a failure. How does anyone successfully direct a center? I feel like I'm drowning.

I'm either quitting or likely getting fired from my organization.

There are several issues, but primarily the Board of Directors is fairly dysfunctional and now that it's been brought to their attention, that dysfunction is being projected as my fault. Deep down, I know that it's not. There are compliance issues, communication disconnects, and role confusion just to name a few things that our leadership team has been facing.

I'm spiraling because I'm being told that I don't accept help and that I only reach out to them when the organization is in crisis and I'm "very upset". The only help they have offered that I have declined was something that I had already handled and didn't really need assistance with, and I have several instances where I reached out to them and it took weeks for a response, if I got one at all. I feel like I'm being gaslit, I try really hard to be open-minded and receptive to feedback, but nothing in that email was accurate.

I'm heartbroken because this is a pretty major organization in our community and I'm concerned about my reputation. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to work at any other local nonprofit organization because it looks like I either gave up on or was fired from this one. I'm torn because I know that there is such a thing as succession planning and I should give a 2-week notice at the very least, but right now I just want to say "I'm done" and walk away.

Am I ruining my career by abandoning my post, or do I just stick it out and kiss the Board's butt to try to fix it?

I'm desperate for some guidance. I am the ED of a small nonprofit, with an annual budget of about $400k. Our board is a WRECK. Before I became an employee I was serving on the board and doing my best to get them into compliance and into a governance training to no avail. It consistently takes us months to get any kind of operational decision, budget approval, paperwork signed, status renewals, and worst of all to onboard new members.

After many complaints that they were all stretched too thin, I did community outreach to find new board members with more capacity. I found 3, one of whom was a phenomenal candidate with experience and a passion for our cause - she was denied on the grounds of "not being a good fit". I later found out that our board chair had a personal conflict with her and that was likely the underlying reason she was not chosen to join the board. I expressed my disappointment in their decision and commented that I hoped that this decision reflected a willingness from the other members to step up and take on more responsibility. They have not.

Currently, our board chair plays the role of all 4 officers. As our vice president recently moved out of the country, the treasurer lives out of state, and there's really no excuse for the secretary's lack of output. Their terms were up 2 years ago, but no one can be bothered to hold elections. I've even offered and been ignored or told to wait.

We are on the brink of making some pretty significant organizational decisions, we need action, and we're not getting it. I don't want to quit, it would shut down the organization, and have a profound impact on our community. However, I don't know how to get them to see the gravity of answering emails or making decisions promptly.