u/kanarin

I lost my best friend last week and posted about it.

Truth be told, at 30 yo, this is the first death of anything that I’ve experienced on a personal level. I’ve heard friend’s family member pass away, I’ve heard people important to my parents pass away, but death has always been something that happens around me, but not to me.

Losing my first dog of 13 years, I cried for the first time in over 10 years and I cried for several days. The longing is still here, but I think I’ve come to accept that he had a very terrible last couple of hours, but I’d rather have that than him live through years of pain.

One thing that has impacted me severely though is motivation. Working from home and without him next to me, I just feel lost. My free time is just sitting on a couch and just staring at a wall. I try playing games and I play for like 20 minutes and don’t feel like it. I don’t really want to watch anything, I don’t really want to do anything particular.

So I’ve been looking into getting a new puppy. But I also think it’s too soon. I don’t think I’d think of him as a replacement, but I’m scared I will. But if I don’t get a new puppy, I feel like I’m actually going to go insane just spending my time after work just doing absolutely nothing.

Lived in Georgia most of my life. I’m a guy 32yo and all my friends I had left Georgia a couple years ago. We’d still game and talk online, but as life goes on, people move on, they have families, etc.

Games and anime being my hobbies, I don’t even know where to begin making friends. I usually play games on PC, genres ranging from MOBA, Shooters, MMO’s to single player games.

How would one go about finding local and offline friends as an adult, when it seems like your hobbies gravitate towards gaming online?

Best friend of 13 years, I've been preparing for this very moment for a couple of years now. Slight heart murmur a month ago, and vet told me to keep an eye out for his resting breathing rate when sleeping. The breathing rate was fine and hadn't really worried about it since.

Active just as always, spoiled just as always. Everything looked great, then last night in span of 5 hours, gone. The most painful thing is, I hoped that when he went, he went out in peace. But instead, I was watching him in an oxygen chamber looking at me. Big tears drop as he gasps for air, but would not let his eyes off of me. And then he collapses, and the vets try but at that point, he was ready to go.

The discomfort he felt as he passed, unable to breath, I just wish he didn't go out like that.

Watching his body lie still with eyes wide open, it didn't hit me at the moment. It felt too unreal. I dreamt of him afterwards late in the night, and he'd snuggle next to my leg as always, and I'd pet him as always. I wake up this morning, and the reality hit. No barking in the morning, no jumping up in my bed to sniff around.

I wish I noticed the signs of it getting worse, and I wish we could've let him go in peace. Wish I'd given him a last meal with all the things he enjoyed.

Goodbye, Robin.