u/kb_lucius

Well, I couldn’t fall asleep last night, always thinking about my LO, so I decided do write down everything: my feelings and thoughts about her. I wrote almost three pages long just confessing and explaining something that she doesn't have any idea is happening. Done writing, I felt way more relieved, but when I woke up, read it all and now I'm thinking that she can never read that letter, I was way too exposed. Now I'm keeping the text in a safe place in my room so nobody will find it. Maybe someday I'll give the letter to her. Maybe I'm burning it in few minutes. Or maybe I'll keep it with me forever. But I know that everything in those papers were written with my heart open and are 100% true

I decided to stop using my socials for some weeks, just to focus on myself and in my things... went back using today and saw my LO story, now I can't stop checking her profile

I thought that I would be able to stop doing this (at least often), but it seems that this time without seeing her photos and content she shares only turned things worse. Maybe I'll delete again

There is a chance that I'm getting to move from my hometown in few months, so I'm starting to consider confessing my feelings for LO before I leave the city. Not telling all the weird stuff about limerence, but only telling that I always wanted to get to know her better and maybe asking for a date. Is this self sabotage? If it works out, it can turn things worse, maybe?

In the last couple weeks I realized that I do not know what to do when (if) my limerence ends. All I want is to finally be free from this horror movie, buy I'm actually unsure what to do next. Will I meet new people? Will I get a healthy attraction to someone? I never had a relationship, and don't even know how to start, how to meet and try to get a girlfriend. The first person to attract me romantically is my LO, so she's quite the only one who I had/have feelings during all my life. All the things I imagined and fantasised living with her, I don't see myself with anyone else...

When I get over her, what's the next chapter?

Anyway, I think it’s worth sharing this

Over a year ago (2024), I was at school one day and saw a girl I’d never seen before (it was a big school, so it was normal to see new faces every day). At first glance, I thought she was really pretty—generally the type of person who catches my eye. She stayed on my mind for a while, and then my day wnet on. From then on, I started seeing her around the school’s common areas more often, but up until then I didn’t know anything about her. About a month later, while scrolling through Instagram, her profile popped up as a suggestion for me, so I followed her, she followed me back, and I started checking out her profile more closely. That’s when I found out about her interests and all the other stuff you can discover by stalking someone. I realized she liked things that interested me the most too, so I started to get genuinely interested and wanted to get to know her.

But then the school year ended—vacation and all—and I just kept thinking about her. Up until then, I hadn’t made a move, but then, right before classes started again, she posted something on her Stories about a topic I like, so I struck up a conversation. Even though we didn’t get to talk much, I don’t think it went totally badly. School started again, and I kind of didn’t know what to do about her; I kept running into her in the hallways, and we even exchanged glances a few times, but nothing more than that. I couldn’t get her out of my head. Months later, with a friend’s help, I tried to strike up a conversation with her on Instagram, then she stopped replying. She ended up liking my Stories shortly after that, but I still couldn’t get anywhere with her. Then, toward the last day of the school year (already the following year, 2025), I tried one last time and still didn’t get much of a response. Anyway, classes ended—it was my senior year—so that was pretty much the end of it for me. It had been over a year since this girl had been on my mind, and I couldn’t even bring myself to approach her in person.

Anyway, this girl has turned my LO. Consequently, it’s been over a year since I’ve been able to go about my daily life normally—all because of this state of mind. It’s very draining; it’s been getting in my way more and more this year—not exactly because of the constant thoughts about this person, but also due to a major loss of self-esteem and self-love because of this situation. I’ve looked into it, and I still find it very strange how someone I’ve never even interacted with in real life (I don’t even know what her voice sounds like) managed to make my mind reach this point. I used to believe it was love, but lately I’ve realized that it’s as if everything that’s wrong with me—my body image issues, my personality flaws—has become entangled in a one-sided relationship between me and my idealized image of a person who probably doesn’t even exist. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to interact normally with this person (I felt a huge fear just from sending a message or walking past her), it’s really scary

Enfim, já tenho passado por isso a um bom tempo e acho que é bom compartilhar isso com outras pessoas (vai ser longo)

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Há mais de um ano, estava um dia na escola e vi uma garota que até então nunca tinha visto antes (era uma escola grande então era normal ver rostos novos todos os dias), de primeira achei ela bem bonita, geralmente do tipo físico que me chama a atenção. Fiquei com ela na cabeça por um tempo e depois continuei com o meu dia. A partir daí, comecei a ver ela pelas áreas comuns da escola com mais frequência, mas até então não tinha nenhuma informação sobre ela. Mais ou menos um mês depois, olhando no Instagram, apareceu o perfil dela como sugestão para mim, aí segui, ela seguiu e volta e comecei a olhar mais a fundo o perfil. Aí consegui descobrir os interesses dela e o tipo de informação que se consegue stalkeando alguém. Percebi que ela gostava de algumas das coisas que mais me interessam também, daí passei me interessar de verdade por ela e ficar a fim de conhece-la.

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Só que o ano acabou, férias e tudo mais, só que eu continuava pensando nela. Até então eu não tinha feito nenhuma movimentação, mas aí pouco antes das aulas voltarem, ela postou algo nos stories de um tema que eu gosto, então puxei assunto. Apesar de não ter conseguido conversar muito, não acho que tenha sido totalmente ruim. As aulas voltaram, e eu meio que não sabia o que fazer em relação a ela, continuava passando por ela pelos corredores, até trocamos olhares algumas vezes, mas nada além disso. Ela não saia da minha cabeça. Meses depois, com um amigo ajudando, eu fui tentar puxar assunto pelo instagram denovo, aí ela já começou a não responder. Ela acabou curtindo meu stories pouco depois disso, mas eu continuei sem conseguir fazer nada. Aí perto das aulas acabarem (já do ano seguinte), tentei denovo uma ultima vez e também não consegui muita resposta. Enfim, as aulas acabaram, era o meu ultimo ano, então meio que foi o fim pra mim. Já fazia mais de um ano que essa garota não saia da minha cabeça e eu não conseguia nem sequer me aproximar dela pessoalmente.

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Acontece que durante esse tempo, acabei desenvolvendo algo chamado de limerência (é bom pesquisar mais a fundo na internet pra entender). Consequentemente, já tem mais de um ano em que não consigo realizar as minhas coisas normalmente, tudo associado a esse estado. É algo muito desgastante, tem me atrapalhado cada vez mais durante esse ano, não exatamente por causa dos pensamentos constantes dessa pessoa, mas também decorrente de uma grande perda de autoestima e amor próprio por causa dessa situação. Eu já pesquisei muito sobre o tema (antes achava que era paixão ou algo como apego obsessivo, até encontrar esse termo "limerência"), e ainda acho muito estranho como alguém que eu nunca nem sequer tive uma interação na vida real (não sei nem como é a voz dela), conseguiu fazer com que a minha mente tenha chegado a esse ponto. Eu acreditava que era amor, mas ultimamente percebi que é como se tudo o que tem de errado comigo (defeitos de autoimagem, personalidade) tivessem misturados na forma de uma relação unilateral entre mim e a idealização de uma pessoa que provavelmente nem existe. Acredito que eu nunca seja capaz de poder interagir normalmente com essa pessoa (sentia um medo enorme apenas ao mandar mensagem ou passar por ela), é algo bem assustador mesmo.

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Enfim, agradeço a quem teve saco de ler até aqui, provavelmente esqueci de alguns detalhes, dependendo dos comentários vou lembrando e mencionando.