u/keyzee57

Im single 40m probably straight, never married no kids and attachment issues, etc.

finally with my age everything is calming down and I can see more and more clearly. Not sure if empath as my empathy kicks just for random people, but I’m definitely very giving person finally with healthy boundaries and self respect.

however I can easily fall in love with anyone who gives me just a little attention and sometimes I am able, just from that, create beautiful charming warm magical mutual feelings. Most of the times I freaked out because of that feelings and I started to feel like ,,how can I deserve it.,,and find explanation that I don’t and after that everything collapsed, me being clingy, overthinking and creepy weird

But now I’m okay as I found peace with myself and everything is more easy so

Yesterday:

My friends and I went for heavy metal event in my hometown and there were playing some amateur bands as usual, but I met there some some cool gals and one of them was very charming and cute I could recognize her from the beginning like there was ,,where is Waldo,, kinda crowded situation but she was somehow luminous to me

I didn’t talk to her and I wasn’t watching her or stalking but could recognize her anytime she went around

Time passed and by the end of the show we met outside and started talking and decided that we should go get something to eat and I started to

feel the magic, we were walking through the empty streets of night while it was pouring rain but it didn’t matter and she and her friend were singing student anthem - kinda something in Latin and something woke up in me.. then I asked her if she’s married and she said yes and started to explain how it was the worst decision she ever made and how is she stuck there with everyday struggle not happy at all but I could feel that she’s lying.

I mean magic was still there and I could see that she is very honest in the rain but also I could feel that her feelings are numb and her husband alone is not the reason of disfunctioning marriage as she was blaming him for not giving her attention she deserves.

Somehow I could see that she’s saying things to me only for me to proceed with her more magic and I did as charming as I could and we danced together in club. And we had the rhythm, there was lights, her eyes and happy face of fulfilling passion and touches very close together. Then we were out again by the entrance smoking cigarettes in rain talking while some cluster of people were fighting each other but we didn’t care about it as we talked.

She asked me if I regret meeting her and I said yes because I know she’s just playing to fulfill her satisfaction but I told her not to worry because I’m used to be that man what she said that she sorry about it but she can’t do more or anything about that..

I called her taxi and she gave me her number.

I walked home, fall asleep, and dreamed about her:

As my friend bought her beautiful diamond ring and she was nicely flattered but her feelings were still numb and then 90s version Prince William came

and gave her diamond big as small pineapple shaped into the swan and she was nicely flattered but somehow still empty. I was scared that to that I cannot compete so I woke up.

I have girlfriend on my own but I haven’t seen her over the year and half and she barely writes me, but she still keeps me alive and

What I’m supposed to do?

Norwegian flag at the South Pole

South Pole

What should I do?