u/kindredspiritpenpal — reddlx

I made his marriage better.

I was in an intense emotional affair for 5-6 years and I ended it several months ago. As I think back on everything, I am certain that my presence in his life made his marriage better or at least more tolerable. I think he was happier, lighter, easier to be around, and overall a much brighter person because of our relationship. Now that it has ended, he has been moody and even acts like I don’t exist at times. None of that is my business, because three’s a crowd and I have no desire to be a third person in a marriage, but since we still work together, I can’t help but observe what has happened. To some or most of you who are currently the OW, are you actually unintentionally helping keep his marriage intact, even when he says he wants to leave?

reddit.com

u/kindredspiritpenpal — 7 days ago

▲ 99 r/GirlDinnerDiaries

I think I have been having an EA for 7 years.

Yeah. An emotional affair. For 7 years. 😭 I’m married. He’s married. And I actually believe we are both quite happily married, truly. My spouse is wonderful. I have never met his spouse. He talks about her sometimes. We’re in our early forties.

We work together. That’s where it began. Not too long after he showed up at our company and we were in close proximity, we immediately started connecting over shared interests and hobbies, parenting challenges, workplace gripes, the usual stuff that people connect about when trying to survive working soul-sucking corporate jobs. It seemed like we were just good friends, but then other people began making comments about how close we were, so I started pulling away and putting down some boundaries. Then everything started getting weird.

We are like a rubber band. We pull away from each other and go several days without speaking much, and then it is like the dam breaks or the rubber band snaps, and everything we had wanted to share with each other while we had been apart comes bursting out for several days. Then one of us gets cautious and pulls back. Rinse and repeat. For 7 years. How does that even happen?

The truth is, I love it and I absolutely despise it. I don’t want any physical relationship with him. Weirdly I’m not very physically attracted to him. I’m frequently told that I’m beautiful/pretty/cute so I do think he is attracted to me physically. But this relationship seems to be all about attention and connection. I want his attention ALL the time if I can have it and I don’t even really know why. His face lights up like a Christmas tree when I enter the room. It is the strangest relationship I’ve ever had in my life, but we depend on each other emotionally. Neither of us would ever leave our spouses. I don’t actually think we would be a good fit together in a relationship, life-destruction aside. Neither of us are gunning for that, I can tell. We are too similar anyway. I have so much fun with him and I also never want to see him again and everything in between.

I was balls deep in all of this before I even knew what it was. Neither of us report to each other but we work closely together. Ugh. Now I’m certain the only way out is to quit my job. I am exhausted from the confusion and strange ambiguity.

To all the women who have been on the other end either themselves, or their husbands having a similar relationship, I am so deeply sorry. This was never my intention and I have tried like 500 times to end it. I will even say it to him, that things have to change. And it just… doesn’t stick. This man has truly never pursued a physical relationship with me as far as I am aware. I don’t think he ever will. We just live in this weird alternate universe of limbo at work and then go home to our families. Sometimes we have contact over the weekends but rarely.

Please don’t hate on me. I’m feeling so tender and raw while writing this. I feel so bad. I want out and I feel so stuck.

Grilled cheese and a glass of wine.

u/kindredspiritpenpal — 1 month ago

▲ 0 r/theotherwoman

Intro Post: EA Lasting 5+ Years

This is my intro post and flair post. I (40F) have been in an emotional affair/entanglement with a (47M) MM at work for 5-6 years now. It started intensely, like we had known each other forever on our first encounter at work (he was a new hire, not in a position of power over me thankfully). I eventually quit that job for fear of a full on affair and I was professionally ready to move on. After 1.5 years apart with some contact here and there via text or Tiktok DMs, MM offered me a job at his new job. It was objectively a good job, EA aside. I was apprehensive about it, but it was a pay increase and I hadn’t been enjoying my current job. I felt like I had grown so much and wouldn’t fall back into the same old emotional space.

So I jumped back in and it was like we picked right back up with the EA. Lots of push and pull. He is a fearful avoidant. I’m pretty securely attached and feel like I could take or leave this relationship and be just fine, but also know that unless I leave my job, I’ll never be able to go NC.

One thing that drives me crazy is this MM will get so close with me, send me selfies, tell me all about his kids, his future dreams, etc. but then he’ll bring up his wife to set a boundary, as if he is telling me not to get any ideas because he is married. (If I did get any ideas, he put them there with his behavior). Sometimes my MM seems obsessed with me, but the ways he will be obsessed and then tell me something about his wife to remind us of his marriage, really strips me of any dignity and I’m becoming resentful. We don’t talk openly with each other about our EA. I can give him the cold shoulder but MM will eventually pull me right back in and I feel powerless against it! Have any of you experienced this push-pull and then wife reminders? I’m open to advice on how you would handle that.

reddit.com

u/kindredspiritpenpal — 3 months ago