Feeling ok
Hey guys. Feeling ok today. Using this to check in to hold myself accountable. This is taper attempt #3 that I cannot fail this time. I am 8 years sober from opiates/fent. I’m in AA and have a sponsor and all that, i had such a wonderful life before this crap. All I keep thinking of is that entire 8 years of freedom and how great it felt. I’m quitting because my boyfriend won us a trip to Italy next month through his work. This is gods way of telling me to stop. I’ve been taking capsules for roughly 6 months now. Before that I was on subs for 2 months (to get off extracts). I tapered off them luckily, that was the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life. The capsules helped me taper. Up to 2 weeks ago I was up to 14 gpd give or take. I saw a difference in my mood and my appetite. I no longer enjoyed music like I used to.. concerts weren’t that fun anymore, nothing was truly fun to me anymore. I cannot wait to get my life back. Italy is a bucket list for me so I just knew this was needed. Im doing a month taper (3 days then drop). Today is day 15, so im halfway there. Im already feeling better about the situation. I get chills sometimes at night but I actually love the feeling because I know that it’s working. I actually got the chills listening to a ja rule song yesterday 🤣 I’m forcing myself to do the things I used to love doing. I was a huge gym rat before this, I’m forcing myself to go everyday now. I’m not lifting like I used to (mostly because I’m still battling the chills that early in the morning) but I’m still making it a habit to go. I’m at 17 capsules today, tomorrow I drop down to 15. Chat gpt came up with a taper plan for me. I have a script for gab & something else my doctor gave me for RLS. I have all the vitamins as well (from my last 2 attempts) & Im only carrying each daily dose with me per day. No extras. Im waiting hours for each dose to fully hit. Im also pushing each dose out as long as I can. I’m truly surprised at how little I actually need. With this stuff it’s true, less is really more. The more I take the worse I feel I keep repeating to myself. 1 year ago i started dating my dream guy, I want to badly to be off this stuff for him. I took so much one day that I actually was enraged for literally no reason. I lashed out on my own daughter. I feel awful about it. I am still an addict, doesn’t matter how much time goes by. I will ALWAYS have an abnormal reaction to any and all mind or mood altering substance. I simply can’t take anything.
Anyway thanks for listening as always. I know I can do this I am fully relying on God to help me & I pray for everyone on here 🖤