u/kmskat

Oh boy. I just want to talk about this to see if anyone relates in ways of being a now ex fan or not. I’ll be talking about very traumatic things that had happened to me and how Melanie’s music helped at the time.

I, like many older fans, basically grew up with Melanie’s music. I related a lot, and I mean a lot to Crybaby. It helped me get through a lot due to how my life was from 2015-2019. I was young when the original allegations were going around. I didn’t even know what it really meant because I was uneducated in that.

Fast forward to release of k-12, I was in a depressed state due to my grandfather passing a week before. He would listen to Melanie with me. So k-12 helped me there, I felt some form of closure with the music. At the time, I was still oblivious to the rape allegations. After school was okay, kinda really forgot Melanie up until she blacked out all socials and started with portals.

Portals itself helped me a lot because it was 2023, I was 17 and I had horrible mental health due to an abusive ex boyfriend. Some people mentioned how bad her older songs were that were leaked and I decided to listen to some. Rocking horse, Glue stick and WDBCF hit home because I was (not by choice, never once consented) pregnant from abusive ex. I did not want to keep it. Melanie’s songs helped me with my life. I really felt connected to Rocking Horse because of where I was in life.

Then, once the allegations surfaced again. I really looked into it. I understood what it meant. I understood that the same thing that happened to me happened to someone else by the creator of the music who saved my life. I was distraught. Hell I sound parasocial for typing this. I am going to be honest, I was very biased towards Melanie. I never fully learned to let go because of being biased. I look at my merch collection from years prior and it saddens me. I just can’t let go of it for some reason.

I’ve commented this somewhere but some of my favorite and best artwork is Melanie related and that hits home because my art is my life. I just can’t get rid of them. I’ve learned over the years that it is okay to let go. Bad people do exist and it’s okay to get rid of them. Since then, I’ve let go as much as possible from her music. I’ve never really understood “separate the art from artist” when it comes to something as bad as what she’s done.

I (obviously) no longer support her

Anyways I just idk wanted to type all of this for closure(???) I don’t know sob sobbb

So a week ago I (f20) had clocked into my shift at 5:30am and was scheduled with my AGM (f32) and morning manager (f23) at the time.

Everything was going okay, I was getting my front set up on time while waiting for AGM to bake my needed items. I asked her a question about bake and she responded with “your mom”. Haha yeah kinda childish but I guess that’s just how I view that stuff.

<MORE CONTEXT> I do not have a mother, she passed away when I was just 4, two months before I was 5. It was and still is hard living my life without her in it. It is a very touchy subject for me, even if people argue that I have no memory of her and I shouldn’t still grieve her 15 years later.

Anyways after she said that, I said “you know she’s dead right?” as a side comment to her saying that. AGM looks me in the eyes and starts going into detail on how my mother is in the grave, decaying and having worms eating her body. I felt disturbed, and uncomfortable. AGM doesn’t stop, she keeps going despite me being silent and shutting myself down. Not only did she say that, she had gone on about it from 5:30 to 7:00 am (time of clocking in and to open of store). Morning manager heard it all. Heard her mocking my mother’s death and describing how she’s decaying and “six feet under for good”. Also AGM mentioned she only said stuff like this because another worker hadn’t shown up yet for her to pick on (aka her friend).

I’ve felt uncomfortable ever since. That day was the worse because I was there until 4:30 pm due to how I was scheduled and yeah. I don’t know if I’m overreacting on this, because I just feel angry and upset when around her. She’s a grown woman, she should know better, no? It’s hard ignoring her because she IS the AGM. I have to listen to her because she’s my boss.

I’ve been very hesitant to tell anyone else because what if she uses her power over me to abuse me with work? I’m a very anxious person and have a very hard time telling how I feel without crying. I told the GM today and had a talk about it but the whole time I cried. I felt so small because all I could think about is the fact my mother IS decayed and 6ft under. I do and will always miss her. I just feel like this is so uncalled for and that I am taking this too seriously. Should I keep ignoring AGM ? Am I overreacting ? Am I overthinking this whole thing ?

Not to mention, morning manager is my best friend and she tells me I have every right to feel the way I feel but I feel bad about it. I don’t know why I feel guilty for snitching on AGM. I don’t know why I feel so bad about it all as if it’s my fault.