u/knationnn

***Update*** Thank you so much everyone for your insight and advice. I've decided I will call around to independently owned daycares in the area and see if they groups for very small dogs, and how many dogs are in those groups. If I don't find a right fit I'm going to abandon the idea. ***

I'm looking for advice. I have a 4 year old mini doxie, Lana, who we adopted when she was 2. In her previous home she lived with several dogs...I also owned another dog when I adopted her but she passed away 3 months ago. Since my dog passed I feel bad that she has no doggie companion but I'm not yet ready to adopt another. She is overall a pretty reserved dog and it takes her time to warm up to new people and dogs. We've worked to socialize her with humans and she is now much more confident when it comes to human interaction. However we're having issues finding the right environment to introduce her to more dogs.

We live in an apartment and have had some successful on-leash meetings, though I know on-leash is not the recommended way to introduce dogs. If the other dog is too overbearing or jumpy she goes into defense mode and is then afraid of them. She has never attacked another dog or person however. Dog parks are a no go for me because there's too many variables with other dogs. We have some friends with dogs, but it's really hard for us to find the time to get together.

The other option is taking to doggie daycare, but I'm afraid that she'll be way too overwhelmed and be traumatized by it or become defensive with other dogs. In a perfect world we would take her 1-2 days a week so she gets time with other doggies.

People who have experience with a doggy daycare - is it a terrible idea to take her? I don't want to risk her safety or the safety of other dogs. Is there other options I haven't thought of for socializing her? Should I be taking more steps before I even attempt a day care?

I don't know how to get over my guilt from putting my baby girl down. She was 12 and was diagnosed with a probable brain tumor. Over her last few months she was losing her sight, not playing with any toys, not wanting to go on walks, and was eating very slowly. I don't believe she was in any pain, but I know dogs hide it well. She also had one eye that was slightly bulged for about 6 months - but I had taken her to my primary vet and they saw nothing of concern aside from cataracts and elevated liver levels. We thought she was just getting older. I made an appointment for August for an ophthalmologist to see what was going on with her eye, they had a long wait to get in. In the meantime we focused on getting her liver levels back down.

Last week Sunday she stopped eating all together, the next she wouldn't get out of bed. She was also struggling to walk. I took her to the ER which is when they had her examined by an ophthalmologist and noticed one of her optical nerves was massive & she lost sight in both her eyes. She also had eye twitching. They said the tumor had started behind the eye, affecting the optical nerve, and grown to now affect the other eye as well as the brain. They said that any treatment option would be too dangerous as she would be high risk for anesthesia. They said most of these tumors are inoperable to begin with as they're so deep in the head. They told me anything we did would be to keep her comfortable and she was placed on palliative care. She was sent home with some appetite stimulant and gabapentin to help with any pain.

As soon as I brought her home I was scared for her. She seemed worse & seemed even more lethargic and unsteady on her feet. I prayed and prayed but I felt in my gut she didn't have long. We were snuggling in bed but I could tell she was restless as she keep adjusting. 2.5 hours later I woke up and helped her down to drink some water. We got back in bed and were laying down for a little while, when she shot up out of her bed while yelping and screaming. She jumped into my arms. Her body went stiff and her head shot back, all while yelping in pain. It lasted maybe 30 seconds and after it she went completely limp. I thought I lost her. We called the vet we had been at and they denied us entry because they had too many critical cases, so we called another one.

The vet examined her and also got her records from the vet she was previously at. He suspected that something ruptured causing injury to her brainstem. She couldn't walk, her head was tilted to the right, and she was extremely lethargic. He said I could take her home if I wanted, but he couldn't guarantee something else would happen to her or that she would ever recover. In fact he said she would get worse, not better. He said that compassionate euthanasia was an option considering her diagnosis.

I didn't want her to suffer. The brainstem injury or whatever it was was so horrible. She was so scared & in pain. She was hardly moving. My husband and I discussed it for hours. Our fear was that if we didn't let her peacefully pass, she would experience more pain and a very painful death. She was so relaxed in my arms in that office - a dog who usually had such a hard time at the vet. I had always said when the time would come I would make sure my baby didn't have to suffer.

It's important to know that I have done everything for my little girl. Cost was never a thought. When i was 21 and first got her, she had a suspected liver shunt. I spent thousands on specialists to be told she was okay but had portal vein hyperplasia. Midway through her life she had a bad vaccine reaction and was so very sick. I did everything. I never gave up on her. But now I feel like I did.

I was so confident in my choice when I made it. It was for HER. I knew it would kill me, but I didn't know it would be THIS hard. Letting her go was a pain I have never experienced, and it's only gotten worse. What if she had come "out of it" and I could have gotten her on more meds to manage it? Could I have given her more time? Could she have pulled through for an MRI so we had more answers? I knew the clock was ticking for us, but not knowing if I did everything for her is eating me alive. I didn't want to put her little body through any more pain. I thought it would be selfish for me to make her suffer just for a little more time. But what if the suffering would have stopped? I thought it was the right decision, I thought she was ready. But then why do I feel like this?

I've heard all the phrases, "a day early is better than a day too late". But what if I was way too early? I can't stop spiraling. It's killing me that I know I can't go back. I want to be at peace with my choice so badly. Sometimes I feel moments of peace but it never lasts. Then suddenly I'm hit with a wave of pain in my gut and I'm back to spiraling. I can't eat, I can't sleep, my stomach is in constant knots, I can't think about anything else so I'm in a constant haze. I know she's not in pain now. But god, I can't stop replaying all the last moments. It all happened so fast.