u/ktmcikas

My gf(18F) left me (19M) 1week ago, and since then I can’t go back on my feet. 

This relationship was the first for both of us. We were together for 4years. We both are very beautiful and everyone told us that we look amazing together..

We didn’t really fight at all, but this January we had a big talk and she said that I insult her allot with my hard words on her, I understood it and tried to be the best version of myself, and since that January everything seemed to be good. But last 2weeks she seemed really cold with me, but I thought its because of the school stuff, because we are both 12 graders and last 1month while we were still together she was always studying biology, and she seemed really stressed about it, sometimes she started crying because she was too scared of the bad grade of the biology exam, but I,ve always been supportive. 

The last goodbye text was send to me last saturday, at sunday we met in real life, I drove to her house, she got in a car and we were sitting in a car for about an hour and we both cried, but my heart was absolutely shattered, I bought her favorite flowers and wrote a note, I tried convincing her to stay together, and I will help her get over it, but she said that she can’t forget that happened in the past and she doesn’t want to stay together. She said that she still loves me and she is still in love with me, I said the same thing, she said that maybe the time will help her get over it, and maybe the ‘universe’ will let us be together sometime… I promised her that I’m not going to find anyone else and I will still be loyal to her even tho we aren’t technically together. We said last goodbye, and me all shaking from pain drove off.

Next morning(Monday 8:30) she texted me she still loves me and yesterdays talk showed her how much truly I do love her, and she wants to give me the 2nd chance, and she said that maybe we should meet again and talk more? I said sure we can. She said she’s free at friday

All week I counted every minute just to see her(we weren’t texting each other) and at thursday I texted her saying that hey, do you still want to meet me at friday? She answered me saying that she would like to meet me but she’s scared that everything is going to be emotional and maybe we should wait more, for example after 2weeks after all the exams. My heart was crushed once again because all week I waited to meet her but she cancelled our plans. I talked with my family about this situation, and next thing that I rode was - I’m sorry but you can’t play with my feelings like this, and she cant cancel the things like that, and I also wrote that, text me sometime then you feel really to meet me in real life and talk things out. When she rode this message she texted me saying she understands how I feel and she’s sorry that she made me feel like it. She said that she’s sorry that she needs more time, but she wants to work with her emotions, and she hopes that next time then we will meet together, its going to be the fatal meet then we will finally get back with each other. And after those messages as I understand her emotions got in a way and she started writing things like that to me - if i will need couple more weeks or maybe one another- you will still deep down will want me? ;what do you see in me that you love me so much? I tried to be cold with her and wrote that she is writing from her emotions and not her brain. She said she understand my points and she wrote that she understands that she needs more time, she still loves me and she really cared about me. Last sentence was like this-**“**After this conversation, I feel like those weeks won't be long, if you know what I'm talking about ” and her last message was - “I accept your apology because I truly feel it… I will definitely write, I don’t think it will take long, because today’s paragraphs showed otherwise, I just never thought that I cared so much for you Believe me, I think you are special to me too. I am so sorry that you have to suffer in ignorance right now”.

Since then I’ve been crying allot, no-one makes me happy and I don’t know that to do, because maybe after the time that I’m going to give her, nothing will change. My both parents said to don’t write anything to her, but I’m itching to write to her. 

She still shares her location with me, and in instagram she only has one highlight called “<3” there were is 3storys of both of us and the flowers that I buy her. So that makes me feel that she cares about me and doesn’t want to fully get over it. 

Do I text her? Maybe I should bring flowers or some note and put it on the floor mat next to her apartment... Thanks for advice!

Me(19) and my gf(18) have been together for 4years at this point, we loved each other very much, and for both of us it is our first relationship, and we never really had a big fights or deep convos, until this years January, and basically she told me that I need to stop calling her names because she doesn’t like it and feels not good, and if I ever call her again the names, she is going to break up with me. Since then everything was amazing because I really understood my mistakes and I tried to be the version of myself, I looked at yt videos, and articles online, trying to be better version of myself for her. And since that January everything was more of less really good and I didn’t call her names since then.

But lately I felt like she is getting very cold with me, finding right time to meet with each other was basically impossible, and she was just telling me that she has to study biology. (We are 12graders and she wants to get the best result out of the last biology exam)I always support her being so disciplined with school stuff.

 So after 2weeks of waiting, we finally met, and we went to the park we sat on a bench and starting talking about it and she just told me, that she lately started to remember the flashbacks of the earlier days where I misstreated, and called her names. And she just can’t forget it, and she is scared that if we are going to live together, it can happen again, and she doesn’t want to feel that way again, also told that She doesn’t know if she really wants to keep going with our relationship with this kind of backstory… But I can’t change anything right now because this was in the past….

more context (optional)
I lived in a Soviet Union family where there is allof of abuse and bullying. My dad and my mom always called me bad names all the time, and I kinda got used to it. So I probably was calling my girl the names because it felt “normal” in my head, but in reality it wasnt.
She lived without her dad, so she was raised in a “softer” environment.

Also she wants to study in another city so for 4 years in the future she is probably going to be away from me…

Then speaking on a bench, she told me that she doesn’t want to break up with me since she still very much loves me, and if we will going to break up she doesn’t think she will want another man for another year or two…
Lately Ive been crying allot and getting drunk more often since she is the love of my life and I don’t want to let go of her, and I wish I could set the clock back and not get her traumatized…